Weird title I know but I just got into an argument with my mom and idk I just feel kinda guilty. So for starters I’m a 15F. So for context we just got Internet again after forever of not having wifi since we left the Internet provider we had before. I have an Xbox and I’ve been dying to finish playing RE2 but I couldn’t without Internet so I’ve been waiting until now. I just set it up today with updating and putting the new wifi on there so I was pretty stoked.
My mom was in the living room sitting next to me and painting her nails while I was doing all this. When I finally get comfortable and start up my save she turns to me and asks if she could paint my toenails because she was doing her own. I said no, and then she asked to see my feet because she wanted to see if they were in like good shape? Like if my nails were taken care of ig. For anyone wondering, yes, because I try to be as hygienic as possible.
I don’t know why but it was just kinda odd to me, and I was like already comfortable in my position under my blanket and focused on playing RE so I said no without really thinking too much of it. She then got mad, like really mad. She asked again but louder and I looked over and I was just confused and was like ".. no?" again. Then she started counting and I asked why she was so mad about this. Just so yk I was talking in a pretty low voice because she has a habit of getting mad if I talk even a little loud with her (she still accused me of yelling at her btw) and she was genuinely yelling at this point.
She then ranted about how me and my sister are so ungrateful and how I’m so terrible and mean and ugly towards her. I tried to keep it calm and told her she was yelling and asked why she was so mad about this. She said it’s because when I was younger if she asked that I’d do it right away and that if she was offering my a hundred dollars to stick my foot out I’d do it immediately and how I’m so nice whenever I want something but terrible the rest of the time.
She kept going on that me and me sister are both so mean to her and I admit I maybe shouldn’t have said it but I told her that if she was having the same issue with her maybe she was the problem. She got pissed. She said the only problem was that she was too loving and then told me to drop it because when she was dead then I’d love her. I kept telling her we had to talk this through because this isn’t the first time she’s done this and she does anytime I ever refuse to do something big or small. She just kept saying the same thing of telling me to drop it and that I would see what happens.
After this I turned off my Xbox and went to my room because talking just wasn’t working and I could feel myself tearing up. So now I’m writing this post because I hear her sniffling in the bathroom and I feel terrible. Looking back I should’ve just done it so she wouldn’t have gotten mad but I was so focused on wanting to play RE again and I didn’t really want to move. So am I the asshole?
You’re not the villain here. Setting boundaries is crucial, even if it led to conflict. Focus on communication and addressing feelings without compromising your own comfort.
You’re not an asshole here dude. Your mom is being incredibly dramatic over something that (and I need you to hear me out here) does not fucking matter in the slightest. You didnt show her your feet it’s not like you murdered someone. NTA but for the love of God find someone else you trust and tell them about this. This kind of freak out is not okay from your moms part
Thank you, I really appreciate this
Don’t mention I’ve been in this situation. Especially the whole “I don’t talk loud so she won’t scream” my mom is the same way. I’m really sorry you’re in this mess and I hope it gets better for you. Good luck
Yeah this kind of off-hand comment in the post screams “I’m used to getting screamed at for everything and I’m walking on eggshells”.
OP, I’ve been there and I promise you that is not normal. You are NTA for not wanting to show your feet (seriously wtf?) her behavior is manipulative and out of line. I want you to know that.
NTA. Your foot, your rules. Unless there’s an active concern like SH, she shouldn’t be demanding to see your feet.
She sounds a bit manipulative with the “you’ll love me when I’m dead” comment. I would let her calm down for now.
Thank you for the advice, for her comment about that it’s kinda funny because the other day I heard her talking on the phone about her own mom saying stuff like that and how her mom was pretty mean so it’s kind ironic ig
NTA What a weird thing to get so angry over. She’s probably upset about other things too and is taking it out on you now. Not a very mature thing to do.
NTA. Never be afraid to make your bodily autonomy an absolute boundary. People who love you will respect this.
You’re not a horse. Nobody gets to inspect your feet unless you’re willing.
NTA and your mom sounds manipulative and overly dramatic.
This is your mother being unable to transition from her role as mother-to-young-children to mother-to-teens.
A large component to mothering young children is the control over them. She chooses what is best and you obey – thats the dynamic and thats what being a mom is to her.
Being a mom-to-teens is vastly different and it’s the time when they transition away from obedience and learn to think and decide for themselves. The parents are the safety net as older children learn to make these decisions. It’s a critical role. But it’s a very hard transition.
Disobedience feels like disrespect to an unadjusted parent, when in fact the older child is learning to make decisions as they should.
There is not much you can do other than stay calm when she explodes, and assure her that love and blind obedience are not the same thing. Knuckling under and being more obedient is bad for your development so dont do that.
Nta
NTA If she were trying to inspect your foot for health reasons, I might have a different opinion, but it sounds like she was just trying to use your feet to entertain herself and maybe boost her self-esteem. Perhaps your tone was a bit rude? Teenagers are usually terrible judges of tone. But even if your tone was rude, her reaction was over the top and far worse than anything you did.
This is sooooo toxic and your mom is emotionally immature and manipulative, particularly when she says things like “you’ll love me when I’m dead” or whatnot. This is not your fault, you need people to help protect you from this situation, it is emotional abuse