Context/Why: I (17) have always had big problems with grease/oils to the point I legitimately question if I have contamination OCD. Perceived dirtiness and bacteria specifically also sets this off. Laying down without full clothing without having showered in the past \~10 hours disgusts me.
As a result of that, I shower every evening. My showers take about \~8 minutes, are warm and I try to turn the tap on as little as I can/lift it enough to where the switch from tap to shower head stays up; it goes back down when water is low enough/turned off. If I remember to, I turn the water off when exfoliating.
My mother however, calls this absolutely excessive. I don’t want to get too deep into our relationship, but I’ll say we’re far from compatible on a personality level. She frequently complains/yells at me for taking showers that "waste her money". Her main argument is "how much money I’m washing down the drain". She says it’s too expensive since we have an instantaneous water heater. We’re not living paycheck to paycheck tho, she buys new furniture frequently.
Once, she claimed she heard the water "turning on and off repeatedly and then staying on for a long time". Yes, that first bit was me using the sink. There’s more things to do in a bathroom than shower, like shaving, brushing teeth, toilet, cutting nails, which I do BEFORE getting into the shower. If I mention how I barely turn the tap on, she says it doesn’t matter since the water is still getting heated by the boiler. Of course, arguments like that of me are instantly shut down by her. And correct me if I’m wrong, but mentioning a "boiler" when you have an instantaneous water heater in is far from logical.
I’ve started ignoring the complaints, meaning she makes them more frequently/harsher. AITA for this?
Edit: answers to FAQ:
I live in Germany.
We do not live paycheck to paycheck. I don’t see her budgeting at all and she always buys name brands for both of us when it comes to everything.
NTA, 8 minutes a day is perfectly reasonable
NTA. An 8 minute shower is totally reasonable.
NTA. Your mom is overreacting
NTA. If my kids took 8 min showers I’d be suspicious that they were not washing themselves enough.
Only 8 minutes? NTA. Are her showers somehow shorter than this??
8min is a short shower lol
NTA. Your mom is the one with control issues. 8 minutes is barely a shower 🤷♀️
Nta. An 8 minute shower once a day is perfectly normal
NTA
An 8 minute shower is short. I saw in another comment that you said she only showers once a week up to a week and a half without one? She must not smell very good. I almost wonder if this is why you feel disgusted by not being “clean”?
NTA your mom only showers once a week, that’s gross (unless she’s physically unable and can’t get help). 8 minutes isn’t excessive, it’s average, idk how quick she expects you to be when it’s once daily. 4-5 minutes is probably the minimum for a daily shower without washing hair.
NTA. Our teens sometimes shower in the evening and again in the morning. 8 minutes is nothing. MY showers are between 5-8 minutes and I’m a bald guy with no ocd. It’s the fastest possible if you want to get at least a little clean.
NTA
I am so fed up of these “parents” that talk to their children like lodgers
I’ll probably get downvoted by some boomers or narcissists but I don’t know what kind of “parent” would consider their child taking care of themselves as “wasting my money” especially when as you’ve described, you seem to have some kind of OCD condition
I went through similar things with my mother, my sister could do no wrong, paid no rent, did what she liked and got cooked meals every day, took 2 long showers every day!
I on the other hand was literally extorted for rent, gaslit into believing that anything I do is a “waste of her money” (my mother) all of my mothers problems with work or bills etc became my problems even as a young child, 1 shower a week even used to annoy her and I would get snarky comments like “you didn’t wipe down the bathroom properly after you showered” even though my sister never even does it when she showers twice a day
something changed drastically in society around the boomer period, we went from family values and investing in your children to individualistic values and scolding your children for not being a successful multi millionaire at the age of 12 whilst being brought up by a single mother on food stamps and terrible education
NTA an 8 minute shower is nothing. At that age my showers were 30-45 minutes long but my parents didn’t say anything because teenagers stink and it’s better paying the few extra dollars than fighting about a teenager actually wanting to shower. Your mom is crazy , not you
8 minutes? She thinks 8 minutes is too long?!? I wish I could do an 8 minute shower.. even without out washing my hair I still take more then 8 minutes
You are perfectly fine.
Nta