My roommate (41F) moved in with my bf (33M) and I (30F) in Nov ‘24 and we always got along with her and her bf (59M). She met this man in March of ‘24 fell in love and refuses to end things with him despite him being married to another woman. This man lives a double life and always goes home to his wife, but my roommate thinks he’s worth “waiting for”. Despite knowing all this my partner and I invited her to live with us when she lost her job and had nowhere else to go and had no one else to help her. Since she’s lived with us, he’s here every lunch break and every late evening, typically around 10:30-11:00pm once his wife goes to bed, and he dedicates every Saturday (for the most part) to my roommate.
To be clear, I’ve never supported this relationship, for obvious reasons, and probably would have told the wife if I ever knew her. but she’s a mystery.
This is terrible to say but when I invited my roommate to stay with us, I truly believed their relationship wouldn’t last and didn’t think I would have to put up with him for long, but I was wrong.
Fast forward to November 2025, and I’ve now become the woman with the cheating bf and can no longer stand to be around them (my roommate and her bf). This is where I think I may be the asshole because before I could compartmentalize my feelings on the matter but now that I’m the freshly scorned woman, I cannot. Freshly , because this isn’t the first time my bf of ten years has cheated, but it is the last.
I won’t get deep into the logistics of my separation, but I’m still living with my ex and my roommate, till we can sell the house, and it’s going to take some time for my roommate to move out because she’s on disability and can’t afford to just up and leave.
So, would I be the asshole for not wanting her bf in the home when I’m around?
Does she pay rent?
Yes,
Then NTA for not wanting him in the house but you can’t really tell her now that she can’t have him over when she lives there, pays rent, and you’ve been fine with it for months prior to this.
I’d just move out ASAP.
Info: whose house is it and who pays what towards rent? Is this a coequal roommate situation or a you doing her a favor letting her stay with you situation? What was agreed to regarding the bf when she moved in?
Ex and I own the house, but we are currently getting ready to sell, there was no agreement made, he’s also friends with my ex
Info: who’s on the lease and who’s paying rent? How long ago did she move in?
Ex and I own the house
She moved in November’24
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As long as she pays rent to live there, YTA.
I understand how this has become very painful for you, but you ultimately invited the situation into your home. You were well aware of it all but hoped it would change (side note- never ever move in with someone or continue a relationship with someone hoping they will change. Sets you both up for failure & resentment.
It wouldn’t hurt to tell her how you feel. Maybe she will be understanding and have him over less frequently.
You’re selling asap, and then can get your own place with no roommates. In the meantime, occupy yourself when he’s over. She’s paying rent and you’ve allowed it up to now.
YTA if she pays rent. Who she dates is her business, as gross as it is.