I like to 3D print and paint miniatures. I have a whole work area downstairs with a lot of tools and art supplies. My wife also like to art/crafts and will sometimes take my stuff.
This is a problem, she has ADHD and never puts my supplies back. I have found my expensive paint literally in the bathroom before. She has used my airbrush before and just left without cleaning it out. I spent hours getting it to work again becuase the paint hardened.
I have talked to her multiple time to put things back and she claims she will and then never does. One of the reason she grabs my stuff is becuase she never knows where her art crap is…
I am sick of not having my stuff where it is suppose to be, I can deal with shared items being in weird places just not this. Talking to her has never fixed the issue. Neither has asking her to not use my art stuff.
I put a lock on the cabinet where my art supplies is. When she saw it she was pissed and we got into an argument
She is mad that I am locking her out of stuff in our shared home . My point was everything above
NTA
You asked her to put your things back and she doesn’t. She’s irresponsible. I’d have done the same thing.
NTA, if she can’t be responsible with your things,
then she shouldn’t have access to them.
start randomly opening her makeup, leave the lids off, and put them in random places..
Nta. You gave her plenty of chances. But in the interest of a healthy marriage, it would have been better to tell her you were going to lock up your stuff instead of letting her discover it. Bit of a slap in the face.
The issue is that she can’t/won’t take proper care of expensive equipment and materials.
That’s all there is to it.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA.
So if you don’t have a problem with her using it, just where it gets left and not doing maintenance, the problem is the lack of responsibility for your things.
My spouse and I both have ADHD, you know what we do? We communicate and understand we’re trying, but will misunderstand or make mistakes.
If your wife isn’t willing to make an effort to treat your things well, locking the container is a reasonable step.
NTA
If you went straight to locking it away in the first instance, you’d be an asshole. Since this is a recurring issue and she isn’t bothered about how it affects you, you’re just taking steps to ensure you can use your own supplies.
NTA – but if I could offer some advice: this sounds like a symptom of a bigger issue.
Does your wife have systems in place to help manage her ADHD? Checklists, dedicated ‘homes’ for items, whiteboards etc? Does she have a dedicated ‘art’ space?
Doing projects chaotically throughout the house (she shouldn’t be moving around so much while working on a project) is an issue, and I imagine why your items end up lost or forgotten. She needs to have ONE PLACE for art, and if it’s covered in crap she needs to tidy it away before she can start a new project. This won’t be what comes natural to her (due to the ADHD) but as a fellow ADHD girlie it’s essential she learn to self-organize and self manage. She has to take ‘I’ll remember to x….” out of her vocabulary. It needs to be written down or it doesn’t exist.
It sucks it doesn’t come naturally, and starting a process takes SO MUCH brainpower — but it also means she won’t need to carry those remembrances and thoughts around in her head clogging up the works. My memory works a lot better when I created the habit of writing things down, but it took a lot of tries to get a system I found intuitive.
I too paint minis, 3D print, and use an airbrush.
NTA. Mini paints are EXPENSIVE. Craft paints are cheaper. Airbrushes can be really expensive and you have to clean them right away or you may never get them working again. I’ve lost an airbrush to improper cleaning (my fault, I was new to it) before.
It’s your stuff. She’s not respecting your stuff. I don’t blame you for locking it up. I would too.
NTA. As someone with adhd who loves arts and crafts (and also paints minis) I can confidently say that adhd is not an excuse or reason for not cleaning art supplies. I can understand forgetting to put something back on occasion but you should be more careful with someone else’s stuff. I can’t understand not cleaning out an airbrush. Anyone who uses and respects art supplies knows to clean everything out when you’re done with it so as not to ruin anything expensive. She is just using her adhd as an excuse to take and misuse your materials without having to take the responsibility of the upkeep. Keep your art supplies locked up, especially the expensive stuff. She can use her own
And even if her ADHD is the reason she doesn’t clean itshe doesn’t have the right to use it. I have been known to not clean my tools and supplies and I avoid using things that my husband values because of this. Some of those things I even bought for him and I don’t use it because I get distracted sometimes and don’t want to risk messing it up.
NTA. And you shouldn’t have to lock it up. She should realize she either can’t or won’t take care of it properly and so should not touch it.
NTA. i also have ADHD and know that i can’t always be trusted to put stuff back correctly or clean/use specific equipment properly, so my partner and i both label tools of ours that are off limits for the other person to prevent any risk of accidentally breaking very specialized tools
NTA. I have ADHD and specifically do not borrow things from people because I know I cannot take care of it. She is in the wrong 100%
NTA
You have every right to have your things stay in the place and the condition that you leave them in.
“She has ADHD” is not a mandate that means you must ignore her behavior and just suffer the results. It means she must accept that she has to try harder and develop coping skills that others don’t have to deal with to get the same result, and that’s just the way things are.
NTA. I think that by locking the cabinet you’ve made the point. Now, it’s time to work together on an “us vs the problem” solution.
You go “Hey, I locked my cabinet because in the past you used my supplies and then broke or lost them. And despite you acknowledging the problem, you haven’t taken steps to resolve it. I’m open to sharing my tools with you, but what do you think we should do differently so that you always return them to where they go in good condition?”
And like, there are options there. For example, she could only use your art supplies in your art space, and return them immediately. She could promise that if at any point she lost or damaged one of your art supplies, she would immediately replace it. She could make sure to only use those items with permission, in front of you, so you could know they were being returned safely after the fact. So many things she could do.
But if she’s not of her own volition taking steps to improve that situation, you’re very reasonable to just go “Hey, if you’ve got an idea for how you can use my art supplies without breaking them, I’m open to hearing it, but until we have a solution I’m going to keep the cabinet locked.”