I (20F) have been saving up at my part time job, while in school, so I could take a trip to Germany. When I finally had enough money, I told my mom about my plans and she told me if I went she would take my car away. While it does Belong to her, I argued that threatening me in this way was wrong. She also said she wouldn’t pay for my degree anymore. She believes she’s protecting me because Europe is « dangerous » and that I should wait until I’m older to go. I didn’t end up going, but I feel a certain level of resentment toward her now, not just about the trip, but the way she handled it. What do you think?
NTA, but mom sure is. This isn’t love, this isn’t protecting you…it’s control. Make this a graduation present to your self and your mom won’t be able to hold tuition over your head.
NTA, I don’t know where you live currently but if it’s the US then her fears may be misaligned with reality. I think you need to try and cut the apron strings from her. I hope you can finish your degree and get on your way asap.
Im a bit older than you so wouldn’t get the male attention you might, however I was in Berlin last year and found it very safe to walk around with the underground also feeling safe. Keeping an awareness and not being out too late on your own, like any city really, and you would be fine.
Germany is statistically safer than many places in the U.S.
NTA since her reasoning is just to be controlling. I would be miffed if I was paying for my kid’s stuff though and they ended up with enough money to travel internationally because they’re on my dime, but her reason seems to be more of a punishment rather than being annoyed about paying for things when you have disposable income.
I don’t know you so I don’t know how safe you are. I don’t know how mature or careful you are. Of course even people who do all the right things are sometimes harmed, so there are no guarantees, but reasonable precautions can help prevent some types of situations.
What I do see is that your mother is using money to force your choices. Be cautious in the future about allowing her in a position where she can force you to do something against your will.
She has shown that she uses finances to impose her choices on you. This isn’t something that you are guaranteed never experience again from anyone else. As much as possible, always have your own ability to support and protect yourself and escape a bad situation.
NTA
Where on earth do you live that Germany is considered dangerous?
If you’re American that is a completely insane statement to make (“Europe is dangerous”).
NTA. The first time I traveled abroad by myself, it was a backpacking trip to Europe. I was scared, sure, and people kept telling me how brave I was. Now that I’ve been everywhere, a trip to Europe seems like a walk in the park. Bad things can happen anywhere of course, but statistically Germany is safe for tourists.
However, in your situation maybe keep saving your money, studying hard in school. Finish your degree, and then take your trip.
Don’t go Europe buy your own car instead!
NTA, with qualifications. She still views you as a teen, which you almost are. She probably has an impression, right or wrong, of your ability to make independent decisions and problem solve. Have you traveled solo in the states, or with others overseas? You might want to start with smaller, lower-risk trips to demonstrate you’re ready for a bigger adventure. She may also resent you having money for trips, but not your own vehicle or education. Our daughter is in her 30s and has traveled alone to Spain, Italy, and Japan. It makes me nervous when she travels, but it’s such a wonderful experience for people to experience other places and cultures I don’t try to dissuade her. She always has her phone tracker on, calls us when she changes cities or freelances (like a side trip to Ibeza), and posts pretty frequently on Instagram to document her adventures. No matter how old you are, your mom will always care about your welfare, so the best way to get her to view you as a responsible, independent adult is to demonstrate for her that you can function as one day-to-day.
NTA, and your mom needs to educate herself better. EVERY US state exceeds Germany’s homicide rate. What exactly is she afraid of?
Are you sure this is about the trip to Germany specifically, or could it be that your mother is subsidizing your lifestyle while you apparently have enough money to travel?