AITA for not wanting to attend my friend’s wedding?
I’m 26 years old and I’m feeling really conflicted about this situation.
One of my friends is getting married in about two months. While I’m genuinely happy for her, I’m seriously considering not going to the wedding, and I’m worried this might make me a bad friend.
Here are the reasons:
First, she did not invite my partner. We’ve been together for 5 years in a long-term, committed relationship. Other guests were allowed to bring their partners, so this felt hurtful and made me feel like my relationship wasn’t respected.
Second, the wedding will take place in another city, about a 4-hour drive away. This would involve travel costs, possibly accommodation, food, and other expenses.
Finally, I’m currently in a very difficult financial situation. Before the month even ends, I’m already about $1,000 in debt. Attending this wedding would add more financial stress when I’m already struggling to cover my basic expenses.
I feel torn because I don’t want to hurt my friend or seem unsupportive, but between not having my partner invited, the distance, and my financial situation, I really don’t feel comfortable going.
AITA for not wanting to attend my friend’s wedding?
NTA, especially for the last reasons, is there a particular reason your friend doesn’t want to invite your partner?
INFO: Is this about the debt, or your partner not being invited?
Put another way, would you go if your partner was invited?
NTA a wedding invitation is NOT a summons. Just RSVP that you will not be able to attend the wedding. Do not go into details. Send a nice note that thanks them for the invite and wishes them a very happy marriage and a hope to be able to connect at a later date and time. But send it ASAP as 2 months is short notice and they will need to inform the location and caterer of numbers.
No you’re NTA. Just make sure you RSVP no. It sounds like this friend isn’t a super close friend.
NTA. Don’t tear your nose off to attend a friend’s party. A good friend will understand that not everyone can afford to attend their party, especially when they plan it far away. If your friend gets upset then you know she doesn’t truly value you. You’re already getting a hint of that if she’s asking you to travel without your partner.
NTA, you are allowed to say no to social events. It’s okay. Weddings are very expensive to attend. Tell her you would love to be a part of her day but that you simply can’t afford it.
If she’s a good friend, she’ll understand this. If she’s a great friend, she might offer to help pay for your travel or hotel. But more likely than not she’ll be sad say some things that make you feel bad, but it is what it is. You’re 26, you will have 100 weddings to attend in the next decade. Your bank account will thank you for learning to say no.
NTA. This isn’t just about not feeling like going, there are real reasons here. Not inviting your long term partner when other people could bring theirs is a pretty big slight, whether your friend intended it or not. Add a four hour drive and being already in debt and it stops being a simple “show up for me” situation.
Weddings are important, but so is being realistic about your finances and your boundaries. Going into more debt to attend doesn’t make you a better friend. If you communicate honestly and kindly, that matters more than forcing yourself into a situation you can’t afford.
If she’s a good friend, she might be disappointed, but she should still understand.
NTA. This happened to me. My very good friend got married in another state. She invited my partner at the time to the engagement party but not to the wedding, so I didn’t go. Like you it would have cost me small fortune in flights and accommodation plus I had a young daughter at the time and I was actually offended that it was only me who was invited. Also she never thanked me for the Engagement gift I gave her. Fast forward to this day, I’m 52 now and I ended our friendship this year due to many reasons and many things that she has done throughout the years.
NTA. Seems like the person maybe more of an acquaintance? Not to have you & a plus one seems kinda weird. Especially since you’ve been a couple for 5 years. Any who, RSVP that you’re unable to attend. If your friend asks why explain your financial restrictions. NTA
NTA, you can’t afford to go.
NTA. It’s rude to not invite an established partner of an adult guest.
Also, it’s not a subpoena. If you can’t afford it, that’s that.
If this will be a continued friendship, you do owe them a wedding card to honor this major occasion. No gift is mandatory.
NTA
NTA
I’ve skipped a couple of my friends weddings due to distance, missed a baby shower, missed a birthday. It happens. Now if it’s a super close friend, we’d both make the effort but not every friend is that kind of friend.
NTA. She gave you an easy out by not giving you a plus one. I wonder if she’s actually hoping you decline.