I (early 20s M) started attending a church about 6 months ago. Since then, the preacher’s daughter (early 20s F) has been very open about liking me. I rejected her early on, but we stayed friends.
Despite knowing I wasn’t interested, she repeatedly:
• Tried to hold my hand
• Laid on me
• Called me cute
• Called me multiple times a day
• Asked me to go to events with her
I want to be very clear that I never flirted back, never complimented her, and never initiated anything. I’m shy, awkward, and very nonchalant and monotone, so instead of clearly confronting it, I would just not reciprocate. I would stay limp if she grabbed my hand, ignore compliments, or change the subject.
Over time, I started noticing unhealthy behavior. She once dated a guy and later admitted she brought him to church specifically to make me jealous. While dating him, she would insult other people to impress him.
More recently, her dad, the preacher, began making jokes about me to her. One night she called me while drunk, which made me uncomfortable. For context, she had repeatedly claimed she would never drink and had previously shamed me for drinking before I repented. Because of that call, I stopped contacting her.
A few days later, she got another boyfriend and brought him to church. During service, she made comments to him about me like “you’re so short,” laughing. I ignored it the first time. The second time, I snapped and said, “This is why I never dated you, because you’re toxic,” directly in front of her boyfriend.
This was extremely out of character for me, and people around us were visibly shocked. She awkwardly said “ooookay.”
We didn’t speak the rest of the day. I didn’t plan on talking to her again. The next day, she texted me:
“I got rid of Snapchat I was joking yesterday but that was uncalled for n the reason we ain’t tg is bc you didn’t want that we would flirt then act like nothing happens then do it again I broke up wit will you won’t talk to me idk what I did”
I responded:
“I meant what I said, though I’m sorry for how it came out. I could’ve said much worse and almost did. I’m not going to be your doormat so you can try to impress your boyfriend. Regarding the ‘flirting,’ YOU would flirt, I would not. YOU would hold my hand, I would not. I’ve never had someone keep pushing after I said I don’t like them, so I didn’t know how to handle it, which is why things went the way they did.”
She replied:
“Okay! Well don’t worry bc u don’t have to worry about seeing me again”
I said:
“Ok, if that’s what you want.”
So AITA for:
• Calling her toxic in church after repeated insults
• Sending a blunt text explaining my boundaries
TL;DR: The preacher’s daughter repeatedly flirted with me despite rejection, tried to make me jealous with boyfriends, insulted me in church in front of her current boyfriend, and later acted confused when I finally snapped and set firm boundaries. AITA?
NTA mostly. She disrespected boundaries of yours which was not okay. I will add I don’t think it was the best response to say that in front of everyone in church. Telling her “okay, let’s go outside and talk in private” and let her know that she was being disrespectful would be a better way to go.
Edited: Good point that a commenter pointed out. Have a trusted friend accompany you.
No no no never be alone with a person like this. You don’t know what they’re going to claim happened.
just talk to the priest and say you’re concerned about his daughters behaviour and wondering if everything’s ok at home
NTA but I would switch churches. I would also preserve those messages.
NTA
This is not a good ‘church’ and they clearly aren’t living by the beliefs they claim to espouse if this is how the preacher and his daughter behave. Find another church.
When you go to the most toxic place imaginable, you’ll only meet toxic people there.
NTA
This priest needs to control his flock!
If you like the church I wouldn’t change- its hard to find a good community. But if problems persist with her then I would talk to her dad. It’s important for him to know that his daughter is alienating people literally at church (it doesn’t sound like you see her outside of church).
NTA
I really appreciate the way you worded this cuz there is a reason that I have stayed at this church. I love this church because it has changed me by seeing people that actually care. The college group that I’m in has some amazing people, I spoke to the college group leader immediately after it happened cuz he could tell something was off with me and he basically told me that nothing she could ever say about me would change the way anyone in that group sees me and they love me for who I am. It just really sucks that one person can completely change everything.
Church is cesspit of hypocrisy and raging unregulated hormone-driven emotions shocker
I understand why you feel that way. (If you don’t want to hear my stance on it stop reading right here) A lot of people in the church are in different stages of their walk so it seems that way a lot of times. But typically a few bad apples ruin the church image, the particular one I’m at has about 3 of those in the group and the rest are genuinely good people that walk the walk and don’t even talk the talk.
But this is the preacher’s daughter, it seems to be the core of the group that’s the issue.
Anyway. You do you, and what works for you. My opinion hardly counts, I consider myself a born again atheist 😉
Preachers kids are usually like this, look up preacher kid syndrome.