Context: I had two older brothers. The oldest (40) has a long history of drug abuse, stealing, and leeching off our parents. He was abusive growing up, lost custody of his child due to chemical endangerment, and now lives with my parents along with his wife while contributing nothing. They can’t keep jobs and constantly blame others. My other brother (36, who passed away) refused to speak to him because of how he treated our parents and neglected his child.
Before my brother passed, he had been living at home due to mental health issues and moved out abruptly during a breakdown, partly because our oldest brother was allowed to move back in after years of not paying rent and destroying my parents’ rental property.
When my brother died in early December, I handled everything my parents weren’t emotionally able to do. The oldest didn’t help at all. The day we found out, I learned he had already been going through my deceased brother’s room looking for valuables. Items were missing. He claimed they were “sentimental” and refused to return them.
I later found my brother’s collectibles and computer parts laid out upstairs, some already bagged and priced. I brought everything back to my parents. When confronted, the oldest yelled, accused me of being selfish, and claimed he planned to keep the items for himself. My parents agreed I could go through the items and sell what was needed to help cover funeral costs. The oldest had another meltdown, which deeply upset my dad.
I told my parents they need to kick him and his wife out because they’re harmful to everyone involved, including my niece. My parents say I’m being too harsh and that they can’t kick him out because he’d be homeless and that’s their son and that I wouldn’t understand. I’m constantly told I’m “too negative” because my parents try to tell me how much better they’re doing and I point out that this has happened multiple times, and it’s always the same pattern. They get in trouble, do better for a little while, then get worse. Now my dad tells me they are doing pot in their car after being told it wasn’t allowed (this is the 3rd time).
AITA for calling him out and telling my parents to dump him out on the streets?
No
NTA. but you’re also not going to actually be able to convince your parents. Drug abuse is difficult and it’s difficult for your parents not to see the little child they raised. If it’s possible I would start drawing boundaries between your parents/brother and you. You don’t have to be there all the time, especially if they still support your brother.
NTA
Your parents are unlikely to change. They’ve spent his entire life enabling him, his drug addiction and his overall shitty behavior. It may get to the point where they feel they have to kick him out, but I doubt it.
For your own sanity, you have to start creating some boundaries with your parents and your brother. “Mom, I’m not willing to listen or help with the problems created by \[brother\].” And then don’t. Not seeing your brother full stop sounds like a great idea.
Sorry you’re going through this. I’m sure it’s incredibly frustrating.
This whole thing sucks. Your parents just lost a son and don’t want to “lose” another, even though he needs to be kicked out. You’re NTA, but I don’t think your parents will change their minds. I’d say give them time, but they’ve proven they will stick by their son. Time to go LC and give them all a break from your logic, and give yourself a break from all of them.
First of all, I’m sorry for your brother. And no, you’re not the asshole in this case. You’re dealing with some aggressive guy with your parents that must be really tired about everything going on.
I’m so sorry for everything, stay strong you’re shining ! NTA
NTA – but any chance you can move out, then once you do… document all the issues with your niece, and report them?
NTA
You might look into Nar-Anon. One of my friends said it was a life-saver for her.
I appreciate this. He’s been given rehab options multiple times before and when CPS was involved he had to stay clean and was able to until it was all finalized and he wasn’t drug tested anymore then right back to it. He’s worn through my compassion and empathy for his situation so I don’t know that any other interventions or therapy would help him. He doesn’t want to work, even if his job doesn’t drug test. He is getting free board, free food, and can sleep all day (and does). The only real repercussions have been my parents getting on to him which usually has no backbone unfortunately. He treats my parents house like it’s his. Runs up electric and water bills, doesnt offer to pay for anything. Runs his cars into the ground and has mom and dad drive him to work when has a job.
My parents think he’s just mentally ill and my deceased brother’s situation hasn’t helped this because they overlooked his mental illness so now my oldest brother must just be sick. He has proven he can do better just chooses not to and won’t take accountability either.
r/naranon
Naranon is for families and friends of people with drug addiction problems.
If you got involved, your parents might eventually see the benefits of it. Among other things it encourages people to stop enabling those with addiction issues.
Girl you are the last person to be an ass hole in this situation that useless brother and wife are the ass holes and kinda the parents too for enabling them and their behavior also where’d his child go if I can ask
NTA. For your brother, and your parents, the truth hurts. Still, they need to hear it.
goddamn. throw the whole toxic family out.
I’m glad you don’t live there… however… even though us is a serious situation and may result in the removal of your niece from the home… you need to report this.
This may just be the wake up call for your parents. They may be able to keep your niece, if they throw her parents out.
This child’s safety depends on it
Call now to protect her.
Imma call YTA for not taking steps yourself to protect your niece if you know her parents do drugs near her.. What kind of life is that child growing in to??