I’m a woman, and I generally find it easier/more comfortable to befriend dudes for a multitude of reasons but one of the main ones just being that I tend to share more hobbies with guys in general. I also feel more “myself” humour-wise around guys.
I have 3 guy friends who have recently got girlfriends all around the same time. Two I’ve known for about 13 years and one I’ve known about 2.5. Of the 13 year ones, one was pretty quiet in general and doesn’t tend to message out of the blue much, but one sends me memes daily on social media, like at least 5 memes a week but usually more like 2-3 a day. The 2.5 year friend is usually proactive about plans and talkative when I reach out.
Anyway, over the past 4 months or so all 3 have suddenly quietened down a bunch. I’ve noticed it first, then found out after the fact it’s because they’ve entered into a new relationship. Already quiet guy has mostly dropped off the map just with the occasional, rare message, meme guy has probably sent me like 4 memes in 6-8 weeks, other friend is still responding but just slower and less proactive to actually hang than usual.
I get that being in a relationship does change priorities but the meme guy one seems most dramatic. Like what’s the deal there? Surely he still doomscrolls in his free time? I don’t understand the sudden drop-off.
I guess I am wondering if this happens to guys too. Have you had friends act this way when getting a new girlfriend? I’d be particularly sad to think it had anything to do with me being female – to me that shouldn’t matter and I wouldn’t (and haven’t) randomly pull away from them when I get into relationships because they’re my friends.
I don’t think they realise how lame it comes across. Like it has me questioning what my purpose as a friend even was. It’s just a shitty look imo.
Any insights would be appreciated!
Yes, totally normal.
Oh yeah extremely normal. Sometimes women get uncomfortable if she finds out her guy has a really close lady friend. It is pretty normal especially if he was single and now hes not. He’s probably talking to his other friends less too.
I just want to clarify that even if OP was a man it probably would be similar. If it was because of a jealous girlfriend, they probably would not message at all
Yes, they do it to male friends too. But they often drop female friends because A) they are getting female attention from their girl and don’t need you and B) you threaten their girl.
My wife hated my good female friend, and it wasn’t entirely unjustified, and drove a wedge.
Yes, he’s busy
Totally normal just between guys, and I’ve certainly stated a few relationships where new partner was very…sensitive… to the fact I had female friends, most of whom were very attractive so for ‘partners’ sake I dropped off a bit harder. Sometimes I’d tell said pretty friends but learned quick that just started drama lol.
Some of it might be that they were interested in you until they found a girlfriend
Some of it might be their girlfriend doesn’t like how much they talk to other girls, or just them assuming she wouldn’t
Some of it might be genuine self improvement and less social media/doomscrolling
Some of it might be they aren’t bored as often so reach out less
Idk. They’d be able to tell you better than I could. Reach out, ask.
In general, guys don’t like it when girls have guy friends and girls don’t like it when guys have girl friends.
It could be that their girlfriend’s don’t like them talking to you, that they just are more focused on their relationship, or a combination of both.
Also from what you described, it seems like these are mostly just chat buddies, not necessarily hang out buddies. So it could just be that they are now getting their “female attention” elsewhere.
It could also be none of that cause guys sometimes just disappear when they get a girlfriend, regardless on if you’re a guy or a girl.
Only way to find out is to ask.
Yes it’s normal between guy friends but to be honest it is also probably exacerbated because of your gender.
Pretty normal honestly. One thing that has always surprised me about women is women not knowing how genuinely difficult it is for most men to have a woman interested in them period.
That was 100% not meant as a dis. I just mean for the context of this topic, unless you are the player type, men generally want to exclusively treat their SO a certain way. For some men this is the only female companionship they have.
This is very normal. Guys sometimes do this to their guy friends too, but the fact that your a girl, especially with them in a new relationship, frequently messaging a friend of the opposite sex, even though innocent, could wig out the girlfriend, so they may be quieting down partially because of that, but also they’re probably devoting a lot of their social energy to the girl that they would’ve otherwise devoted to their friends.
And for the friend that sends memes, he could be sending those to his girl now instead of you, which by only sharing with her could feel a little more intimate than something he’s just sharing with everyone.
Also, I don’t know how old you are, but especially when you’re younger, friends often tend to communicate with each other less and less over time. That’s just a normal part of getting older.
100% the girl will monopolized a lot of his time and she will want him to stay away from other girls normally.
Normal imo. Being emotionally close with a female friend is threatening to a new girlfriend. Even if they’re not insecure, it shows a sort of lack of empathy to keep in frequent contact with the female friend and guys can feel the discomfort.
>I generally find it easier/more comfortable to befriend dudes for a multitude of reasons
Women who don’t have female friends are a pretty major red flag for men in relationships. A lot of women who are like this are just looking for male validation (not saying that’s necessarily the case with you, but it’s relatively common to encounter “pick me” girls like this) which is obviously not healthy for the relationship if he is diverting his time to give validation to another woman. When I was dating my now wife, I had some female friends/acquaintances who fit this archetype. I ended up distancing myself because I didn’t want my girlfriend to feel like I was spending more time on them than her.