So I’ve been sitting on this and think I really need an outside point of view.
I, 30f, had a bestfriend, 32f, for the last 15 years. Last year she started dating my exes brother. (My divorce was crazy with POs and supervised visits with kids and the whole messy shabang. Lasted almost 18 months) before she started seeing him she said it was going to be a fwb situation and I said it was okay when she asked. Things went on for a month or so and he ghosted her. Several months later, the same thing happened. More of a situationship this time and he ghosted her again. In August, a week before a wedding we were both bridesmaids in they decided to officially be together and she asked our friend to bring him as her plus one. He came, it was fine and I was supportive. The only problem was that she was very scarce at the wedding, the bride kept asking me where she was and I had no answer. She was off talking with him in corners all night. We all blew it off and carried on with life. She rarely came to friend outings after that and if she did, she was glued to his hip. I supported them, hung out with them when she would have time and genuinely it wasn’t too bad. However, Our friend group is big on line dancing and two stepping. Suddenly she would no longer dance with us and only be on the floor if he was with her.
The big problem came when I finally got word my divorce was final in October. I had said from the beginning I wanted a divorce party. She said she would throw it. My ONE request was that he not be there. I feel that it wasn’t a big ask because why would he even want to be there? I wouldn’t want her to be in the middle of me talking down on his family and her having to defend him. This was apparently very offensive to her and she stated that she couldn’t sit at a table where her partner wasn’t welcome. The next thing I know, I’m being sent pictures of her at my ex husbands divorce party. She went to support him, but refused to be there to support me because I didn’t want his brother at my party. It turned into a whole fight. She basically called me selfish and a bad friend. Since then we no longer speak. Our kids even go to the same daycare and she won’t look at me when we bump into each other at pick up.
So basically, AITAH for not wanting my exes brother at my divorce party even though he is with my bestfriend?
Def NTAH. It’s your party, and he isn’t your friend so 🤷🏻♂️ I know you said you don’t speak but you think it’s an abusive relationship? They could have worked it out after all the ghostings or he has a hold on her and she doesn’t know how to get out this taking it out on you and friends? Not trying to be dramatic, just something to think about
So she made an appearance on new years with the friend group when I wasn’t able to go. Apparently it was very messy and he yelled at her and made her cry in front of all the girls. 😭
😬😬 yikes ya I would suggest someone try to pull her aside and ask if she is okay. I’m just a random on Reddit but that’s my 2cents
The bride from the story has tried. All she says is that she doesn’t want to be around me.
Hmm I guess then it’s up to you and your friends to decide like how much effort you should put in. I know your friends but at some point, if people won’t accept help it’s hard to force them. If it becomes obvious there is physical or other dangerous forms of abuse that changes things in my opinion but that’s still up for you to decide. Over all tho your NTAH
Thank you. She tried so hard to convince me that I was the problem in the situation that I was starting to believe it myself. Anyone they doesn’t know any of the people always ask “why would your bestfriend date you exes brother to begin with?” So I was confused. 😅
No problem and, I dont see a problem with her dating your exes brother because 1. shes an adult and can do what she wants and 2. she basically asked permission (in the beginning) which shows respect and maturity. What happened between then and now is anyones guess
NTA. Your party, your rules. It’s clear you were protecting your space. Plus, there’s a big difference between supporting a friend and derailing a friend’s self-declared healing event.
NTA, but I’m surprised you thought she should be the one to throw it (even if she did volunteer)
Of course she didn’t end up making any effort after she volunteered. The bride in the story planned the whole thing.
NTA, it’s very understandable you wouldn’t want your exs brother at your party to celebrate your divorce. It absolutely sucks that your best friend got so mad at you for that but I honestly think this might be good for you.
Would you really want a best friend that would pick a man that has ghosted her twice before getting together vs her best friend?? Seems like her priorities are in the wrong place and maybe she wasn’t as good of a friend as you think she was.
NTA She chose your ex’s brother over you. If it wasn’t the party she would have found another excuse to ditch you. You are better off without her.
NTA – and there’s something to be said for people who mess around inside of the circle. That’s the flag anyway.