I (30f) watched a movie without my husband (31m). We got a new streaming service a bout a month ago and I had mentioned that I wanted to watch a certain movie. He agreed that it looked interesting and said he also wanted to watch it. Since then I have mentioned twice that we should watch the movie but he always has an excuse as to why we should wait (too tired, going to bed soon, doesn’t want to pay attention….) it’s fine. So today I started watching the movie, I was about half way through when he walked in. He looked really hurt. I told him we could start it over but he said no and that I should just finish it and he’ll watch it by himself. Since then he’s been short with me, won’t make eye contact, and is being distant with me.
BTW he does this all the time. He says he wants to watch a show/movie together and forgets about it. So AITA?
NTA. What are you supposed to wait forever?
NTA. He needs to have a conversation with you like an adult.
ESH. If you know your husband wants to watch it, even though he kept putting it off, you should have told him “if we don’t watch it tonight, I’m going to watch it myself.” Watching it without him, when you knew he was expecting to watch it with you, sucks.
But, he’s being childish and shitty about how he’s handling it. Pouting and not talking to you? Grow up man. He needs to learn how to communicate his feelings like a BIG boy, and he should stop trying to control your behavior through his exaggerated emotional reaction to minor slights.
Yeah, it would have been fine if OP was like “Hey, I really want to watch this movie, we could make a time to watch it, or I can watch it by myself tonight if you’re not interested?” and he could make the decision about whether he really wanted to watch it. Twice isn’t so many times to say no to a movie that means that he’s actually given up on it, especially if the time he said it was too close to bedtime really was fairly close to the time he normally goes to bed.
OP doesn’t need to wait forever to watch a movie just because her husband isn’t in the mood, but it would have cost her nothing to just ask if he wanted to join her.
Soft YTA
You could just give him a heads up that you will start watching the movie you’re both wanting to watch, he could either join you or miss out. Now you are excluding him from an experience he wanted to do with you. I’m an avid movie watcher, like 200+ a year, and if my boyfriend expresses an interest in a movie, I would absolutely not watch it without him.
ESH
He’s being a baby and my wife and I have done this before – but we’re usually less passive aggressive
He could’ve just told you he wants to, or doesn’t want to watch the movie, little excuses are lame.
But you could’ve just floated a quick text or something over to him – hey I’m starting so and such, but if you do want to watch it with me come now or let me know and I’ll watch something else.
Why don’t people communicate?
NTA. He’s an adult. If his feelings are hurt over a movie, he has bigger problems.
NTA. I’m that person who is always tired but wants to watch the thing. My fiancé is nice and will wait until I can watch it, too. But really, if it meant that much, I’d make the time. Same with your husband. He could make the time. Or say that he really wants you to wait. Also, throwing a temper tantrum about it after the fact is really juvenile and dumb. Tell him to grow up.
You waited a month to watch this movie and he couldn’t find 2 hours of his month to watch it. If it was something important to him then he would have found 2 hours. He isn’t mad that you watched this particular movie. He’s mad that you didn’t sit around in perpetuity, pining for his attention. NTA
NTA. If he really wanted to watch the movie, he would have made the time. To get all pouty over it is just so unattractive. You gave him a few chances and you even offered to restart the movie and watch it with him. Let him go pout in the corner by himself and enjoy your movie. I consider that kind of behavior a form of manipulation and I don’t fall for it.
NTA
I do what your husband does to my husband all the time. He will want to watch something and I will not want to for various reasons. If by the 2nd time he suggest and I am still not down for it then he can watch it on his own.
Life is too short to be waiting on other people to be ready for something you want to do.
Ya’ll need to sit down and make a rule about it. If the other person isn’t ready that’s fine. But after a week/month/whatever you choose and the suggestion is shot down again then the show is free game for watching without the other. Save the hurt feelings for serious things that really matter, not who watched what movie when.
Also he is responding like a child. Tell him that grown ups use their words instead of pouting and the silent treatment. So tired of grown ass adult men not learning to talk about stuff.
You can either care enough that you get upset when your partner watches it, or you can care so little that you’ll turn down several opportunities to watch it, but you can’t have it both ways. NTA.
I love how much simpler and autonomous my life is as a single person.
ESH it’s really not that deep, but you could have given him a clear boundary, and he should have suggested a time to watch it instead of just saying no