i’m a 27M and I was seeing a 28F for about 3 weeks. We went on 4 dates and honestly the first couple went really well. First date was coffee, second date was a nicer Italian place and we stayed until they were basically closing. Third date was a long drive where we talked about a lot of personal stuff.
On that third date she asked about my dating history. I was honest and told her I’ve never really dated before and don’t have much experience with intimacy. After that her energy changed and she told me she just wanted to be friends. I told her I’m not looking for friends and we stopped talking.
A few days later she messaged me after midnight on New Year’s saying she missed me. We started talking again and she said she feels a connection but doesn’t know what kind, and that she still only wants to be friends. I told her again I don’t want to be friends, but I’d be okay taking things slow and seeing where it goes. She agreed.
We talked pretty much every day, but I noticed whenever I flirted she’d pull back. Eventually I stopped initiating. After that she asked to see me after work but said she could only hang out for about an hour.
When we met up, instead of coffee she asked if we could drive around to some stores so she could prep for a birthday trip with her friends. I agreed. We’ve never kissed, and when I tried before she pulled away. At the end of the hangout she left quickly, but said she’d be open to hanging out longer the next weekend.
Normally I’d text after saying I had a good time. This time I didn’t. I felt like I was being kept in this weird in-between spot and like my boundary of not wanting to just be friends wasn’t really being respected.
Her birthday came up that weekend and I didn’t reach out and We haven’t talked since.
Now I feel kind of torn. Part of me feels guilty for not wishing her happy birthday and wonders if that was a shitty thing to do. Another part of me feels exhausted constantly trying to figure out where I stand and thinks letting it fade was probably for the best.
So AITA for not reaching out on her birthday and just letting it end instead of sending some kind of closure text?
Edit: I want to clarify something because I don’t want this to be misunderstood. I never tried to guilt her into kissing me or push her in any way. I asked once earlier on if I could kiss her, she said no, and I respected that immediately. After she said she agreed to take things slow, I never asked again. On our last hangout, I didn’t try to initiate anything, I just waited to see if she would give any kind of opening or signal, and she never did.
Nta dude she using u she doesnt like you move on
NTA
you handle this really good. Let her go. She needs to accept, that you don’t want to be friends.
NTA. She’s just not into you, and that’s ok. Time to move on.
Your “boundary of not wanting to just be friends” is not a boundary. It is a desire, not a boundary. If you want something more, and she doesn’t, then just let it go. I don’t think you are an AH for not wishing a Happy Birthday, but certainly, clear communication was needed.
NTA, there’s no chemistry, the mature thing would be to break things off, at least though text. Don’t ghost her, or you’ll always wonder, what-ifs, it will be in the back of your mind.
NAH. You’re looking for different things. She’d made that clear, you’ve made that clear. Move on.
You know the right answer in your bones. You did the right thing. Don’t give someone energy, they are not willing to give into you. Your gut knows she isn’t even worth a happy b day text – because look how she disrespected your boundary. Just let this go conserve your energy and good soul. NTA
NTA. She’s not into you just likes attention and/or toying with you
NTA. You two don’t seem compatible and that’s okay.
Just move on dude.
NTA
It’s quite clear (to me at least, maybe I’m wrong) that she realized it wasn’t gonna work, wants to be friends, isn’t respecting your boundary, and used you to drive her around.
NTA.
She is looking for male validation and wants to keep multiple options open to jump ship when her main ship fails.
I am a woman and I know plenty women who pulled things like this. Insecured women who are not confident and are unhappy often seeks out men to toy around with. Makes them feel powerful and in control.
If she reaches out and asks you out respectfully decline for your own peace.
NTA. Sorry, but it sounds like she’s just stringing you along until she finds something better. You could reach out and tell her you’re moving on, and wish her a happy life, but if she hasn’t reached out since the last time you saw her, she may have already moved on.
NTA. She doesn’t like you. I’m a woman and I’ve seen this happen a lot around me.
She likes having you around (presumably because you drive her around and whatever else she sees value in) so she’ll keep dangling the carrot of maybe liking you romantically one day so you stick around. Don’t bother.
“Another part of me feels exhausted constantly trying to figure out where I stand and thinks letting it fade was probably for the best.” You had enough information to know exactly where you stood. Just not enough experience. Next time, you will figure it out right away.