Hi Reddit, gotta clarify it’s my first time making a post. I’ll try to keep things matter-of-fact.
For context, I (21, M) and “Star” (21, F, made up name) were best friends for about 9 years; met when we were around 10. 2023 is when it ended. Long story short, throughout our friendship there was lack of communication (a major part being my fault) and I pushed Star away instead of working out our issues with her. I remember telling Star we couldn’t be best friends anymore, but that I still wanted to stay in touch. *Unsurprisingly, she ended up blocking me a little while later.*
What followed after that was about a year of thinking I was right & okay with how things turned out, then realized I actually *wasn’t* okay with it and started deeply regretting how I handled things. By 2025 I had a new IG account, so I sent her an apology letter, to which there was no reply or sign she read it since it was a request DM. There were some accidental interactions with her other socials after that, I’m bad at lurking. I ended up sending Star a message on Ko-Fi to apologize for popping up and to wish her farewell & a happy life, to which she responded asking me to explain myself. I told her I was sorry, that I missed her and wanted to try again, that I didn’t expect her to forgive me, etc. Understandably, she told me she doesn’t think she can forgive me.
**Here’s where things get tricky**. 2 things: 1) Star told me (paraphrasing here) that if I *really* wanted to try again, that I would need to put in a lot of effort, and 2) she offered to unblock me on Instagram. I took this as an olive branch & thought it was a fair compromise, maybe the start of gradually getting to know each other again, or at least me being able to admire from afar with her consent. This did not last long. I was removed as follower, restricted, then completely blocked after a few attempts at re-following & a DM asking her what was going on and if I misunderstood, to which there was no reply. Unfortunately I knew I was restricted because I did the weirdo thing of using an alt to view her profile, which I admitted to doing in Ko-Fi DMs and apologized for, promising to give her space. When Christmas came and I went to greet her, I found myself blocked.
I’m sure this is an obvious sign that it’s over, that Star is silently telling me to leave her alone. But I keep thinking about this & part of me holds on to this hope she’s just “testing” me or that she’ll change her mind. I’m tempted to message her on what I’m not blocked on & ask her to tell me where she stands so I can start trying to move on. But I don’t wanna keep pestering her and cause more distress, and I’m afraid messaging her again will make this harassment if it isn’t already. I’m not even sure it’s worth reaching out anymore, I’m starting to think “we” can’t work out even if Star also wanted that. Pls tell me if I should just back off. I feel so creepy & I hate I can’t let go, but the lack of response from her has me lost.
She has very clearly ended things on her end. You know where she stands. She has blocked you. She doesn’t want to interact with you. YTA for constantly lurking on her instead of moving on. Luckily, you’re young enough to grow and old enough to learn from this.
> I’m sure this is an obvious sign that it’s over, that Star is silently telling me to leave her alone.
Correct
> I’m tempted to message her on what I’m not blocked on & ask her to tell me where she stands so I can start trying to move on.
Based on everything you’ve written here, I do not believe that one more message is gonna help you move on. Sounds like you’re always going to want one more message. Fine to want but not always fine tonact on. Be honest with yourself and just leave this person alone. YTA otherwise.
YTA. Stop messaging her. Leave her alone. Blocking you on everything is the sign that she is done.
YTA
You pushed her away and neglected the relationship, and told her you didn’t want to be best friends
She’s under no obligation to forgive or reconnect after you treated her so poorly
YTA – i understand it hurts. I have an ex bestie that I miss terribly too. I reached out and she ignored me. So I just have to live with the fact we aren’t friends anymore.
I am confused by her saying you’d have to try harder? Either way, you need to leave her alone bud.
Reading the replies so far and I want y’all to know that I appreciate the honesty and that you took the time to read my wall of text. I’m definitely the asshole, I especially recognize that now that I’m seeing other people’s perspective on this. It stings deeply but it’s needed. I hope I never make these mistakes again for the sake of my friends and loved ones, I’ll try my best to take the criticism and use it to be better.
“ But I don’t wanna keep pestering her and cause more distress, and I’m afraid messaging her again will make this harassment if it isn’t already. I’m not even sure it’s worth reaching out anymore, I’m starting to think “we” can’t work out even if Star also wanted that. ”
Yes, listen to all of these correct instincts you’re having or YTA. Closure is something you can build yourself without someone saying “It’s over”. It’s pretty loud and clear from their behavior at this point!
YTA. And a piece of advice for you: You’re 21 years old. You have your entire life ahead of you. Stop wasting time trying to reignite an old relationship that will never be the same as it was when you were 11, 12 or 13 years old. Yes, you fucked up. Is the relationship worth trying to reestablish, not really. Take all of the great memories of your relationship, box them up in your mind and stole that box away so you no longer think about it on a daily basis.
Long story short: It’s over, move on.
YTA
Stop being a stalker creep, leave her alone! She obviously wants you out of her life.
You sound like a stalker. YTA just stop
Leave her alone and move on. Don’t contact her again.
YTA and just… wow. This is stalker behavior, and you really need to realize that. You chose to end the friendship after spending who knows how long being a bad communicator and pushing her away. My guess is you weren’t the nicest person to be around, or interact with, during that time. It’s also been a year with no contact until you saw her at other social events in person.
Now, you’re making alt accounts, peeping her profiles left and right, sending message after message, and the girl is literally just trying to be left alone. Leave her alone. You’re young, this might be the first long term friendship you’ve had end, so I’m sympathetic to how crappy that feels, but a part of growing is learning when you need to move on.
Bro …..