so me (M19) and my girfriend (F19) have had this quarrel for about a week now so i wanted to ask if its as big of a deal as shes making it to be.
My birthday was 2 weeks ago and for that, she posted an instagram reel about a small edit of us and me wishing me a happy birthday. i liked the reel ofc and i commented on her reel a few times thanking her, and a separate comment i made saying "Thank you everyone for your kind wishes" unde that same reel, to all her friends who wished me under her reel.
the night of my birthday she told me to wish them all personally replying to their specific comments with a thank you, as she said she told em to wish me.
i said no at first as there were like 15 people whom i didnt even know the name of, and they wished me on an instagram reel not in my inbox, so i wished em all together with a separate comment how i said above, with a "thank you".
she told me a few times to do it but it was my birthday, i was busy and i quite frankly forgot to do it.
now a week later shes bringing this up in our fights saying how i disrespected her, how i never listened to her and how bad of a thing i did. i did apologise, several times, but i cant really see such a big mistake that i have to keep listening to it again and again, it was MY birthday, they didnt even wish me to my face so why should i? i told her this and that i didnt wanna do it and either ways i forgot. Currently we are still fighting over this and shes really taking this far by not letting it go for a week and saying i disrespected her.
i just wanna end this fight as i have exams approaching, but i also dont wanna always be the one to back down, so reddit, was i being the AH here? ill take every response i can get.
social media was a mistake
She is way over reacting about a social media post. She needs to chill and you should focus on what’s important, your exams.
Also consider dumping her immature ass because you can do better.
NTA
Completely NTA. A group “thank you” is fine in that situation. Your girlfriend isn’t being reasonable, partly because there’s no need to thank everyone individually, partly because it’s really not up to her how you respond.
ETA: Absurd to keep fighting about this. Just tell her you’re not going to discuss it anymore. And then don’t. If she can’t handle that, then you’ve got bigger problems.
NTA. She’s being silly. 15 Strangers don’t need individual responses.
This might be the dumbest F’ing thing I’ve ever heard. An idiotic request on her part, a simple resolution on yours, and instead, you fought about this many times.
NTA; the trivial things some young minds let consume their life
NTA. She doesn’t get to create a chore for you. A general thank you is fine.
Wow. Your gf puts her Instagram “reputation” ahead of you! What a stupid fight. Tell your gf, next time don’t bother telling her friends to wish you a happy birthday. If they had to be reminded, then it doesn’t mean anything.
She’s picking fights with you over Instagram reels? NTA. Delete the app, drop the gf and focus on your exams
The fact that this is even an argument is beyond stupid. It’s proper to thank people for well wishes.
And luckily you did this, I don’t see any reason to go beyond that. Your gf is immature and this go argument is childish
NTA.
The narcissism on display here is remarkable. In your GF’s mind, her birthday greeting to you was actually all about her.
You’re both young, so who knows, but that sort of self-centeredness generally never goes away.
This is funny. Your girlfriend believes there are some weird etiquette rules regarding simple happy birthday posts on some random social media AND believes she has the right to tell you that you have to follow those rigid etiquette rules she created.
What else does she want to change about you or control your behavior?
It won’t get better if you stay with her. Pay attention.
NTA. This is a ridiculous thing to fight about. You shouldn’t feel obligated to individually thank people you don’t even know. The collective thanks is fine and you need to maybe take a break from your GF until your exams are over because her priorities make no sense and you don’t need this kind of distraction.
I am bothered by the phrase “bringing it up in our fights”. Makes it sound as if fighting is part of your everyday routine. That is not a healthy relationship strategy.
I know you are young but honestly this is a really ridiculous premise for an extended battle.
You are NTA, and I don’t think you are compatible. Imagine causing so much fuss it’s getting in the way of you prepping for exams.