Hi so i have a friend lest name her Milly, she is 30 she didnt have a lot of experience growing up, she didnt travel expect only a little city in the mountains she went since she was born, she didnt do extra stuff at school such as sports or clubs, always haging out with the same friends always have been passionate about cars and mothing more basically.
Few months ago she knew her current boyfriend and some of his friends, they are travellers, they enjoy to do a lot of stuff, and not big fans of cars and racing.
She always say that she cant talk and she hate them bcs she dont know how to hang on the conversation, two weeks ago i met them, i did travel, i did a lot of stuff growing up such as sports for school, a lot of different works ect so when his friends started to talk to me asking questions i answered them- but she was silent, i stopped for a bit smiling and talking to her, her boyfriend didnt even try to talk or anything he was silent and eating he seems mad- so after a while his friends start to talk to me again and i talked to them and then i went away bcs i need to work the next day i say the goodbyes and stuff.
Today she wanted to meet for discuss with me about this and she basically said that her bf notice that i talk a lot and i didnt make enough effort to help milly join the convo, and that for hee is not fair, his friends like me more then her she seems jealous of it, i told her that she could have said something its not my fault she dont have stuff to share and also when people ask me questions i answer i cant just dont talk since she wanted me to stop talking to them at the table cuse she wanted to talk but dont have enough stuff to say-, and she say i need to try to make more effort for her to talk with them and try to change subjects so she can talk i told her its not possible cuse i cant just stop everyone for her- she is mad and he is trying to say im a bad friend…so Im??
Be honest please i feel like its not my fault if she dont talk at all to them and okay i can try more effort but i cant control other people and make everything about her im confused and exausted about it its not even the first time something like this happend people say i talk to much and i should shut up- Help?
EDIT:
SORRY FOR NOT USING PARAGRAPHS-!! also im dislexyc and sometimes i cant see grammar errors and stuff like that-! Sorry again 🙂
Re-write that please
From your own perspective I would say you’re NTA if your friend just doesn’t have much to contribute to a conversation.
However, if I were you I would wonder if perhaps I’m not aware that I may be dominating a conversation without letting anyone else get a word in. So as long as you are able to be self-aware and make sure you aren’t actually taking over a conversation – it sounds like your friend is just shy.
Maybe next time you hang out and someone is asking you a question, you can involve her and ask her for her contribution or opinion. She may just need a boost of confidence.
Not reading that. If you want an opinion the least you can do is use paragraphs.
Nearly had an aneurism reading it
Nta – you were asked questions and you talked.
However –
If I was sitting in a group situation that included my friend I would usually try to include a friend in the conversation too. I have some friends who haven’t travelled but I could include them in some form.
Especially if I notice they struggle with this stuff in general or if it’s her boyfriend’s friend group and she doesn’t have much in common.
Usually my friends would do this for me too if for some reason I feel shy and they are getting along really well – they’ll ensure I am also included in the chat. Normally if you have some experience you can build bridges.
NTA.
It is not as if you are talking over her or interrupting her. If she has something to say she should say it. If she wants to change the topic she can change it. That’s not on you.
That is separate from whether you talk too much. Some people like to dominate a conversation. Some just hate silence. I do think it is a good practice to limit how much you talk to be roughly your portion based on the number of people in the group. If there are 4 people, and you speak for one minute, then be quiet for 3 minutes. You don’t have to “fill the silence”, especially when people are eating and might need a few seconds to swallow before they talk.
If you talk how you type, I’d wonder if anyone can get a word in edgeways. Reading that gave me a headache, please use paragraphs.
nTA. You can’t help a bore like her.
nta. you can’t force someone into a conversation they’re not participating in. they asked you questions, you answered. that’s normal.
it’s not your job to manage your friend’s social anxiety or lack of conversation topics. she’s 30, not 13. if she wanted to join the conversation she could’ve asked questions too or shared something.
also her boyfriend noticed you talked “too much” but didn’t help milly join in either? sounds like they’re blaming you instead of addressing why she stays silent.
you can’t control other people’s conversations or make everything revolve around someone who won’t participate. that’s exhausting and unfair to expect from you.