Hi, this isn’t as big an issue as others but I thought I’d ask anyway.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years, and have two girls (11 and 8). Just off the bat I want to clarify there are no major issues, we love each other dearly.
Last year one of his friends from when he was in school got posted to a base in our city. I’d very rarely seen him before (he was at our wedding and I think that’s it) but he was my husband’s best friend back then at least as per my husband. Since he’s been posted here, my husband has been stopping at the base on his way back from work fairly regularly (like twice or sometimes even thrice on weekdays) and occasionally even on a weekend. I’ve let it go for the most part but have told him occasionally that he’s out too late too often me and the girls are starting to miss him, he doesn’t go for a few days, then it starts again. It also seems like he’s made friends with others there too which isn’t helping matters I suppose. Also, another issue is that on the days hes there, there’s ambiguity on whether he’ll eat dinner there at the mess or I should leave some out for him from ours, and he’s been disappointed a few times when he comes home, but thats on our poor text communication, so maybe not relevant.
Yesterday, my sister was over, and he was at the base. My sister suggested we all go to the movies to see Avatar and my girls really wanted to so we went. I called to let him know that and he seemed ok with it, and we had a good time. When he was back, he asked how it was, I said it was good I wished he was there and he seemed annoyed and said how could he have since I sprung it on him in a phone call with others around, otherwise he would’ve wanted to go with us on the weekend. I said if he’d said that, we wouldn’t have gone, and he just said to drop it but seemed disappointed. Was I TA?
NTA. He is a grown man and could have said something if he wanted to go. Why doesn’t he just go with his buddy?
NTA. So he can have a social life but you can’t. Got it.
NTA, not even close. I’m not going to call your husband an asshole, but you’ve effectively communicated yours and your daughter’s feelings about him being gone, yet he is still getting annoyed when he misses out. Even though you literally called him
NTA. Does he expect you to just sit around and not do anything fun while he is off having fun? Doesn’t seem fair
NTA
INFO: Do they just let anyone on this military base? Those I know have to have military credentials and access specific to the base to be able to pass through security. I find this odd.
Who’s gonna tell her…
We’re all assuming he’s banging the guy right?
Are you sure hes with his friend and not actually banging his side chick?
I just assumed the friend was the side piece.
Thats probably right, the only way a full grown man is spending so much time hanging with a particular friend is if the friend is the side piece, or the friend is cover for the side piece. Either way lots of banging going on on the side
The only other option is just him trying to live like “one of the guys” while she takes on more of the load.
Something is very odd here…
Why is he spending so much time “on base”?
NTA, but you need to realise your husband has main character syndrome. He wants the women in his life to just be sat waiting for him to get home. He cant think of you as individual people who are able to do things without him.
If he’s spending his evenings and part of his weekend at this base (and how is that even allowed?), that’s effectively his other home. He needs to decide who his family is.