Some context here, wife is a full time student, I work full time, we have a 8 YO and 2 YO
My wife is upset with me as I cannot keep our toddler from her while she is studying upstairs in our room
I work 6am to 3pm, I pickup the children from daycare and school, and most nights handle all the routine including bed time while my wife studies. The issue is that our 2 yo will scream for mommy, shes creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room. Once shes upstairs she screams and bangs on mom’s door until I peel her away. We live in Canada so taking them outside for hours as a distraction not currently a viable option
The contention comes from the fact my wife could study at her mom’s 5 minutes down the road, or remain on campus and study there but she chooses to always study at home
I am stressed with the fact my toddler will constantly scream for my wife when she knows shes home, but when my wife isn’t home she understands that and is much less fussy
AITA for telling my wife she needs to study away from the house when shes inaccessible
I need perspective please
Edit** I do have baby gates installed in all the junctions of the house, the only toilet in our house is upstairs beside the bedroom, and 2YO is in the process of potty training. Our house also has paper thin walls to the point you could hear a mouse fart upstairs if your downstairs. The sound of an office chair on the floor while my wife shifts her position can alert the 2 YO to her presence
My wife does the morning routine with the children, feeds them, does the older child’s lunch, gets them dropped off at school and daycare. Im on pickup, evening and night routine. We split night time wakeup so that’s all fair and dandy. My wife also spends the time she can with them, but her program requires extensive study. What im trying to convey is that the demeanor of our 2 YO is miserable when she knows mom is home and cant access her. For the most part I do successfully keep her away from mom, but I also need to be able to access my upstairs, as does my 8 YO. The times my 2 YO does get through and bangs on the door / screams my wife gets very upset and comments its a parenting skill issue.
I would love to be able and take the kids out for the entire evening but I am doing the cooking, the cleaning, and other associated house tasks for the most part as my partners program is extremely demanding. This isn’t a complaint about the division of labor, she needs the time to study. However, I cannot be out and about for the entire evening as the household needs maintenance
YTA
Stop letting her go upstairs alone, you’re supposed to be watching her
Stop letting her interrupt your wife because you think she should have to leave to make your bad parenting less of an issue
YTA you think your wife should have to leave the house because you are being repeatedly tricked by a two year old.
Why don’t you fake mommy leaving, like have her say bye to the 2 year old and “leave”. You take the 2 year old to the garage or bathroom while your wife sneaks back upstairs. Then when she’s done studying take toddler back to bathroom/a room while wife sneaks outside then “comes home”?
Wife gets to study at home, you don’t have to deal with cranky toddler.
YTA – go get the toy yourself and stop letting her upstairs. Put a babygate on the stairs if needed
YTA
“The issue is that our 2 yo will scream for mommy, shes creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room. Once shes upstairs she screams and bangs on mom’s door until I peel her away.”
This makes it sound like you’re being manipulated and outsmarted by a toddler.
You are the adult and the parent in this situation. Start acting like it.
>This makes it sound like you’re being manipulated and outsmarted by a toddler.
Like, if this is a common problem, when the kid says “I want to use the potty upstairs”, what reasonable person would let them? I’m not a parent, but I am an aunt who’s babysat enough times to know that you can just say “No, we have a toilet downstairs that you can use. You don’t need to go upstairs.” Maybe the child then throws a tantrum, but sometimes kids will do that and you have to deal with that.
Why is OP falling for a 2 year old’s tricks? These don’t seem like particularly smart tricks.
OP even acknowledged that they know the kid is trying to trick them…
You are allowing the child to go upstairs when you KNOW that it is only an excuse to disturb her mother. You are enabling the situation because you want your wife to leave the house to study.
How is that not an AH move?
>shes creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room.
You’re being outsmarted by a two year old. That’s not your kid being ‘creative’, that’s you being complacent and letting it happen.
YTA
He’s facilitating the disruption
“She’s creative enough to ask to use the potty upstairs, or get a toy from her room.”
You need to be parent enough to say no.
Bring the potty downstairs. Bring her toy downstairs. Just say no. Or go with one of many other options that aren’t letting your child harass your wife while she’s attempting to study and then telling your wife it’s her fault for being home.
YTA
What you’re doing is called weaponized incompetence. You’re failing as a parent if you can’t figure out how to entertain your child so that your wife can study. No is a complete sentence, even when you’re dealing with toddlers. Redirection, consequences for continued misbehavior, playing with her, you have plenty of options that don’t include allowing a 2 yo to make the rules.
Your wife shouldn’t have to go somewhere else when she is obviously most comfortable studying from home just because parenting is hard.
YTA
Im just imagining your wife “hey mom can I study over there? My 2 year old keeps outsmarting my husband.”
“Can I use the potty upstairs?”
No. Mommy is busy, so we’re staying downstairs.
“Can I have a toy from my room?”
If you tell me which toy, I will get it for you.
(Or even better, grab some toys BEFOREHAND and have the 2yo play with those.)
You need to teach your child some healthy separation behavior. This includes firm boundaries, consequences, clear instructions, and distraction. And no, you don’t need to leave the house with the kids, you can stay inside, draw, play games, do fantasy play, read, arts and crafts, have them help with chores, kids usually LOVE feeling like a big boy/girl by helping mommy or daddy with adult stuff like taking laundry out of the washer, folding, vacuuming, sweeping.
The only reason your kid is screaming is because she’s learned that that works. And likely she’s confused as to why mommy isn’t coming out. Time to step up and be a parent.
YTA. Your wife should absolutely not have to leave her own home just because dad is intimidated by a 2 year old. Step up, man.