I (31F) have a younger brother, P (28M), whose behavior over the last few years has made me very uncomfortable. My family thinks I crossed a line, but I don’t agree. P has two daughters with two different women. His first daughter is almost 2 years old. The mother, V1, is 21 years old. His second daughter is 3 months old. Her mother is 19 years old. This obviously feels like a pattern, especially since P works at a fast food place surrounded by teenagers and young adults.
When V1 was pregnant, I moved out of state to be with my (now) spouse. P and V1 needed housing, so I convinced my landlord to let them rent my old place. I left most of my belongings behind to make it easier for them and asked that P take those belongings with him whenever they moved out (he didn’t).
The relationship became extremely toxic some time after the baby was born. I encouraged him to take legal action, but he refuses because he wanted V1 to stay in their daughter’s life. They broke up, got back together, and finally broke up permanently and she moved away with their daughter. He got her on weekends after that. He eventually moved out of that home as well.
After my niece’s 1st birthday, P announced he was having another baby with V2 – someone I had never even knew existed until that day, but my family did. At the time V2 was only 18 for 6 months.
When V2 was 7 months pregnant, P cheated on her with V1 to keep V1 from filing for child support. V2 promptly kicked him out after she found out.
V2’s baby was premature and had to stay in the NICU for 6 weeks. I was informed he barely visited. V2 worked full time, goes to school full time, she’s the primary caregiver of my second niece, and she was diagnosed with postpartum depression. When she asked P to help, he would only come over if she slept with him. When she refuses, he wouldn’t help.
Recently I found out P is seeing another woman. Given the history, V2 and I were worried another young woman might end up on the same situation. I thought I identified the woman and messaged her privately to warn her about my brothers pattern. I later found out I messaged the wrong person – a coworker of his.
She reported it to HR, and now P may lose his job. My family says I went too far. I feel like I was trying to prevent more harm. AITA?
NTA. He needs to keep it in his pants and find a woman his age. Not girls barely out of High school.
NTA you didn’t mean to cost him his job it was a mistake you were warning a woman about a dangerous pattern of behavior. With his coworker immediately going to HR it could mean that he has brought that behavior into his work environment or that she fears for the younger workers.
A win is a win. If he has a job that allows him to prey on young girls, he probably shouldn’t have that job.
I say NTA
I would LIKE someone to warn me if I was young and naive and about to enter a life altering trainwreck.
You couldn’t know what you didn’t know. You could’ve been more careful about sending it to the right person, that’s about it. At the same time, if a mere depiction of his actions, to whoever, is enough to make whoever see it in a negative light and take action, I think that speaks of his actions, not who made them known.
So I say don’t worry too much about it
This! His actions were egregious enough that when made light, the recipient felt she needed to share it with HR. Thats not nothing, thats validation OP. You’re right to be concerned about this pattern of behavior.
Question. You mention HR and your brother possibly losing his job.
Did he meet his various partners through work? As in he worked with or adjacent to them?
If so NTA. Because that feels predatory, and that type of drama is not good at work.
NTA-he has been preying on young women that he meets through work and now he has to deal with the consequences of that. Sucks to suck.
You were trying to prevent more damage, not sabotage him. Yes, contacting the wrong person complicates things, but the underlying issue is your brother’s behavior toward vulnerable women. Families often defend the person who causes harm because it’s uncomfortable to confront the truth. NTA
NTA. Now go 2 for 2 and tell V1 to put him on child support. Your brother is a predator.
I wish, but she won’t respond to me, so I left her alone. I just hope she’s doing well.
NTA. There are too many men like this in the world whose families know they are terrible, but do nothing to stop their paths of destruction through other peoples lives. You did something which rocks! He might get mad at you, he might lose his job, but maybe he needs a little bit of discomfort? Sounds like he’s got no qualms giving it out to others.
Nta. Hes preying on young women through his job, he needs to lose it. Also, he has no intentions of supporting either daughter (sleeping with V1 to avoid child support! So hes still preying on them).
What you did was morally right, every young woman in his life should be warned.
Your family is enabling him by not addressing this behavior with him. Hes earned this karma.
yeah, i would think that going after girls that young and being 28 absolutely classifies him as a predator, he just does it legally.
i’m sure you know how different the mind is at 18 vs 28. and he’s getting these girls pregnant and putting them into such horrible situations so young.
not every comment states it- some outright ignore it- but i absolutely agree with your sentiment to protect any young female this a-hole runs into. you were absolutely in the right for shooting a text to who you thought was his next victim- and the fact that he could get in trouble at work for it is a bonus. i don’t know what it’ll do but i think you’re in the right 1000% and those that don’t are in the mindset of predator protection. like your family.
NTA.
NTA- don’t listen to the dorks in here. The exact reason he won’t help his baby mamas is because they don’t spread their legs on his command is just extremely gross. He seems like a predator who goes for young impressionable girls who don’t know much of life yet. GROSS BROTHER