So, my dog, which I’ve had for twelve years, was recently diagnosed with diabetes, kidney failure, a blood pressure of five hundred, and pancreatitis. After two days of her just laying there, carrying her up to her bed, dragging her out of bed, and watching her throw up everywhere, the vet suggested we put her to sleep. We did so yesterday, and we are still mourning the loss. For the entire time this was happening, I was informing my friends Kendall and Olivia about this.
The day of the euthanasia, I texted the group with a mere ‘it is done’, assuming they’d understand what I meant. Kendall immediately asked ‘what is done?’, but I was asleep, as I had zero rest after repeatedly getting up all night to make sure my dog hadn’t passed in her sleep. Once I awoke, I replied to the message with ‘what do you think’, as I didn’t feel like repeating myself.
Every word about what had happened made me break down all over again. I was off and on crying, and even had to do my therapy session over the phone, as I had zero mental/physical energy to drive to the hospital where I have my therapy. Kendall didn’t sympathize at all, and just kept spamming me ‘hi’, and saying they thought I died.
Olivia said ‘dude, he was probably sleeping’, and Kendall was just being a jerk in my opinion. Later, I responded to the ‘how are you’ message with ‘I just euthanized my fing dog, why is this a question’, because I took it as Kendall hadn’t been paying attention to a word I had been saying about my dog this whole time.
Fyi: Kendall might have DID, or some other personality disorder. Today, they informed me that they almost relapsed because of me saying that, and I think they were guilt tripping me. Prior to this, they had also been putting ‘DNI’ in their status a lot, left our group chat and refused to tell us why, and more, making the situation about them. Am I the asshole?
Edit: This person makes absolutely everything about their disorder. They always put ‘DNI’ this, and ‘DNI’ That. I hear non-stop about their amnesia, so I’m sorry I wished for them to stop making everything about their issues for once. I would like to go through something without hearing about everyone else’s problems.
YTA. I understand youre grieving, but there was no need to snap. I say this as someone who had one dog of a bonded pair pass away in his hands and had to put the second to sleep 9 months later.
NTA. I’m so sorry about your dog OP. Losing a dog either to natural causes or having to make the choice to put them down is devastating. No offence OP but are you young? Your friends don’t sound particularly mature. Either way, Kendall sounds like an incredibly selfish and unpleasant person. I would be avoiding the hell out of anyone who claimed that what you said there made them almost “relapse”, and also avoiding the hell out of someone who has a personality disorder and behaves in the way Kendall does. It might be time to find better friends once you’ve had a chance to grieve your dog.
You know what, you’re right. After that conversation with her, I began to contemplate if I wanted to be friends with her anymore. We have only been friends for like a month and a half, and haven’t met in person yet. I don’t want to hang out with people that are so miserable. Also yes, me and my friends are minors
There’s a good saying I try to follow which is ‘when people show you who they are, believe them’. There’s always room to be kind and forgiving because people do make mistakes and we’re not always on our best behaviour for whatever reason, even so there are some people who are bad or draining to have in our lives. Although you’re young, Kendall doesn’t sound like the kind of person who’s going to be supportive or kind to you, and I have a lot of flags going off that she sounds manipulative.
I hope you can find support for your dog with kinder people. It’s never easy to lose your dog. Take care OP
Sensitively, YTA
It is a major life event for you and your friend clearly didn’t appreciate what was going on for you. They were actually checking up on you albeit in a tonally deaf way if I understand your post properly.
You should be able to rely on your friends so they have let you down, but it seems that you have demanded support so strongly that you have overwhelmed them.
ESH. It’s understandable that Kendall didn’t know what you meant until you said it – they’ve presumably got their own stuff going on and might not have put two and two together, not realized you were doing it just then, etc. And am I right in reading that you didn’t clarify what it was until after Kendall did all the stuff you found annoying? Yeah, they’re not TA for that.
But using mental health to manipulate people is always, always an asshole move.
Honestly it sounds like you don’t like Kendall very much. So why keep up the friendship? If you’re not getting anything out of it but aggravation and exhaustion, you might as well just move on.
YTA.
“It is done.” is vague, and it’s going to elicit follow-up questions if someone isn’t fully caught up with what’s going on with you.
Your reply was also snippy and not informative at all.
If you wanted to be left alone to grieve, you wouldn’t have posted in a group chat.
You’re handling grieving poorly, and you’re looking for a target to lash out at.
You can’t be mad about someone not reading the room properly when you post vague statements via text looking for sympathy.
YTA
YTA. I appreciate how this was a major event for you, but vague posting as if everyone is on the same page, *expecting* everyone to be on the same page, and then snapping when it is clear they are not, is just ridiculous.
And I’ve reached that conclusion from *your* telling of the story, it would be interesting to get your friends perspective.
YTA.
People can’t read minds and it’s unfair to expect people to give you exactly what you need without you informing them what you need. It’s also unfair to expect people to care as much about what happens in your life as you feel they should.
They could have been trying to distract you, or pull you into something they feel might be fun and take your mind of things for a bit. They could simply be unable to relate. They could simply have a different life experience and different expectations for situations.
If you wanted support, you should have made that clear.
If you wanted to vent, you should have made that clear.
And when they do ask how you’re doing, you snap at them. “How are you?” is a perfectly valid question, even if you’re grieving.
I’m sorry for your loss, but grief isn’t an excuse to be an A.
And you don’t even seem to like this person, so why are you friends with them in the first place?
YTA. I said goodbye to my cat to a dramatically horrible, rapid-onset brain tumor. My friends and family knew what was going on. A random “it’s done” text doesn’t mean death when treatments were still on the table, or discussions may still be happening.
You’re awful for assuming the worst of your friend, telling them nothing, and shutting them out when they try to tentatively check on you over text.
You sound exhausting.
YTA
A pets death is hard for us, but not so much for those around us. You were incredibly vague, and snapped at them for asking a fair question, and got shitty.
YTA “it is done” is very vague you were asked and only responded with a snarky reply the did answer. You wouldn’t have been repeating yourself as you never said it in the first place.
No one else replied and answered to Kendal telling her the dog was dead so clearly no one knew. You went AWOL and she spammed you and was asking if you’re okay and you were really mean