AITA for not wanting my kids to call their dad’s girlfriend "mom"?
I share 50/50 custody of my children with their father but I have all decision making regarding education, and medical with very little or no involvement from him. My children are 9 and 11 years old. Their dad and I split up 8 years ago. He started dating his girlfriend 5 years ago and just recently bought a house.
This past weekend I found out they require the kids (she has 2 of her own around the same ages) to call him dad and her mom when they’re at their house. I have only spoken to my ex’s girlfriend a handful of times in the 5 years they’ve been together. They don’t attend any doctors appointments or school events, no birthday parties or even help with things like hot lunches, sports, basic needs like shopping. That all lands on me. Which I’m OK with! But to hear they are telling my kids that they have to call his girlfriend "mom" was a hard pill to swallow.
I reached out to both my, ex and his girlfriend, through text explaining how I don’t want that happening and how I find it disrespectful and to please support my decision on it. I never heard back from either of them.
Last night when i was passing the kids over for his time I asked him if he received my text and if he’s going to support my decision and he got angry and said "when you have a boyfriend for longer than 5 years, you’ll understand" (I’m single by choice) and I said no, that’s not how it works. I said she’s not their mom, doesn’t do any mom duties for our kids and that decision should be between us, not her. He said "it’s her choice" and stormed off.
My eldest child can’t stand the g/f and said they will never and doesn’t call her mom. My youngest avoids conflict and is neutral to the g/f. No strong feelings either way. Both get upset when having to go to their dad’s. Neither see the g/f as their mom. It’s just forced when they are at their house.
AITA??
Not the asshole. I wouldn’t want my ex-partner’s new boyfriend making my son call him Dad. I’m his dad. You’re just another man in the house and I would never force my son to call my new partner Mum.
It’s not her choice. It’s the kids’ choice. You’re their mother. They shouldn’t be pressured into calling her anything. NTA
How do your kids feel about this?
My eldest does not like the girlfriend and already refusing me call her mom. My youngest doesn’t want to create conflict so does as she’s told. She’s neutral to her feelings towards her
NTA- that is a decision for your children to make, not anyone else. If they feel like she is a mom to them and want to call her that, you have to support them even if it sucks. But it doesn’t sound like they feel that way since your ex had to implement that rule.
> He said “it’s her choice” and stormed off.
It should be your kids’ choice. How do they feel about it? This post seems to be all about the adult’s feelings and not the kids.
ETA – NTA. The kids don’t want to call her “mom.” She’s not their mom. Your husband and his girlfriend need to stop thinking about their own feelings and consider how the kids feel.
My eldest does not like the g/f at all. My youngest is neutral and does as she’s told to avoid conflict, but doesn’t think of the g/f as her mom.
Then these “requirements” do need to stop
NTA You gotta get it updated in court documents or they’ll still do it. How do your kids feel about it?
You aren’t wrong but you are wrong in saying that the decision is between him and you. The decision is the kids.
I know that sucks and probably not what you want to hear, but it is the children’s choice if they want to call her mom. You may have only spoken to her a couple of times but they have seen her 50% of their life for the last 5 years.
NTA. If they happened to say it, oh well. Forcing them? Hell no.
Nta. If they chose to, that would be one thing. Being forced to is parental alienation and you should notify the court about it
Seeing your comments on how the kids feel I would take this to my lawyer. And if they aren’t pulling their weight as parents why is it 50/50? So your time is spent handling everything and they get all the fun yet get half the time and expect to be called mom. No way. I’d call my lawyer asap
Also she’s not his wife just a girlfriend she technically not even a step mom.
NTA. This comes off as a power play by ex’s gf.