Hello! I (19 Nonbinary), have been out fully for about 5 years now. Chosen name, Pronouns (they/them), etc.
A friendgroup that I am in, have known before everyone else. Well, something I have noticed is that there is one specific person (male, 23) who I am not as close with, has continued to use my dead name, and she/her Pronouns.
Everyone in this friend group, including myself have had to correct them on many occasions, but to no avail.
This past week, I got upset because he misgendered me and used my deadname more than 3 times, and I snapped.
To summarize what I said: "Do you just not respect me? What is your problem! You have Trans friends that you EASILY use their pronouns and preferred name for, how am I different?!"
He got upset at me, and snapped back with "Well they atleast changed their appearance. You just look like a girl to me."
For context, I look very androgynous. My hair is cut short, I wear chest binders, and lean more towards clothes that make me look masculine. While yes, my voice is much higher, I dont think I "look like a girl." Hell, most of the people at work dont know whether to call me ma’am or sir, and it always makes me happy.
I have been refusing to speak to this person since this happened, and they have been asking my other friends why I’m ignoring him.
I understand how I can be seen as the asshole by snapping and ignoring him… but I really don’t know.
So… AITA?
NTA
You can present however you like. You have no requirement to look androgynous enough. There isn’t a correct way to be any gender. As a CIS woman, I can present however I like and the same should be true for all genders.
You have told him your name. You have told him your gender. His persistent refusal to honour that is him being an arse.