Growing up I (18f) had to do everything with my twin sister Sophie. Well mostly do everything Sophie wanted. If things didn’t go her way she’d throw a huge fit until she got her way. Our whole lives we had to share a brightly colored bedroom. Once in 4th grade I got in trouble because I put a picture of a poorly drawn dragon on the wall because it was “to dark for Sophie” which I thought was ridiculous. Throughout elementary and middle school our mom dressed us up in the exact same or nearly identical clothes because she thought it was cute. In 5th grade our mom had us join ballet because it was something Sophie always wanted to do. When I would ask to join boxing my dad would yell at me for only thinking of myself. My mom would always say that boxing was too rough for Sophie. It got worse in high school. Whenever I wanted to hang out with my own friends Sophie just had to come along or she’ll say im purposely excluding her. When I would have a crush on someone the next day Sophie would be dating him. In senior year Sophie already made up her mind that me and her both are going to college for cosmetology. To sum it all up I couldn’t do anything or do anything with my own life because it had to be what Sophie wanted or I’d get in trouble. As soon as I turned 18 I decided to join the navy. Last night I sat my parents and Sophie down at the table and explained that i wasn’t going to college for cosmetology with Sophie but I’m leaving for the navy. They all started to scream at me that this was selfish and I’m betraying my family. AITA?
NTA, go and live your life and have some independence
This level of family dumb-assery is unbelievable.
Given the context, NTA. Ideally, you would be able to talk to your family about bug decisions, but I understand why you didn’t in this case.
I do hope you also joined the Navy because it’s something YOU want to do, and not just a way to get away from your family and Sophie.
NTA but time to go NC with your family. Your family doesn’t see you as an individual person but as an entity of your sister. Congrats on joining the Navy. I wish you nothing but the best. Live your life the way you want to live.
NTA. I’m not all country pride and glory but enjoyed my time in the military. It was a great way to get to know myself and learn about life. In the military the days tend to drag by but the years fly by. Model your behavior on the NCOs and officers you respect. Don’t let your fellow idiots in the junior enlisted ranks hold you back. Don’t take anything too personal in training. It’s just a game….I actually found some of the crazy things I had screamed at me amusing (BUT DON’T SMILE!!!).
You will be set up quite well for life in the civilian world after the military. I work in business now and I have to deal with moody/bitchy executives who throw hissy fits….doesn’t ever phase me in the slightest. I’ve been chewed out by better in the Army.
But to your question….I assume your family will get over it in time. Having a twin is unique but at some point you two have to become different people. The Navy is your chance to embrace being an individual and if your family can’t accept that in time, they are too toxic to fret over.
NTA, just be aware that you replaced Sophie with Uncle Sam. But I do think this will give you a great launchpad to get away and start the rest of your life given the circumstances. Get a degree while you are enlisted so you can open more doors for yourself down the road.
Make a career out of it
LOL. Imagine having to join the military to finally have some personal peace. NTA.
NTA.
Get away NOW or you will be stuck with her forever. You’ll end up working at her salon for less than minimum wage and supporting her forever.
Get away NOW.
NTA. Since you are 18, you need to get a bank account in your name only. Secure your important documents such as your birth certificate, social security card, and passport if you have one. If the harrassment becomes too much, find a friend or relative to stay with until you ship out. If you do move out, let the local police know you are an adult because your parents will probably call in for wellness checks or say you are a runaway. Let your school know that as an adult you are invoking your educational rights and change your contact info in their system.
One of the best days of my life was when I got on that bus and left for the Army with my dad getting smaller in the distance. Good luck to you.
During my time in the military I became friends with a guy who had to do something similar- secretly join the army to escape his over controlling family. He was 18 and his family expected him to continue to live in the house and look after his siblings. He wasn’t allowed to work or have his own money.
But he was smart, passed all the tests and had the relevant ID.
When he told them they melted down and said he was forbidden to go. He said that if he didn’t leave on X date for basic, the MPs would come and get him. They reluctantly let him go.
Don’t stop there. Once settled don’t move anywhere near Sophie or she will dominate your adulthood as well with your parents blessing. Keep distance between like maybe 1000 miles distance.
Nope.
Walk away.
Stop giving them ANY info, and limited contact only.
Anytime they start in “My life is MINE to make decisions and not up for criticism or negotiation. You can either be supportive and silent family members or ABSENT ones. I also WILL NOT tolerate Sophie tagging along in my adult life choices, if it starts then the relationship ends; non negotiable”
USN VET HERE with some unsolicited advice:
1) keep copies of all paperwork. If you don’t have paper, you don’t have a promise.
2) keep YOUR CAREER in mind. Don’t get derailed.
3) always ALWAYS be mindful of your surroundings because there ARE tons of predators in military service but they PREFER weak prey.
You can have a good time, but you have to always be more careful/mindful/watchful than males.