Some backstory: in 2017 my mom bought a home for myself, husband, our children to live in. In our culture combined households are very common. Eventually we (myself, husband and kids) ended up moving into a new home bc my mom had other people living with her, and there wasn’t enough room.
Around 5 years later she begs us to come back as she’s now there alone, can’t afford everything (she pays for my adult brothers college) then wants to retire and give us the house so she can relocate to somewhere warmer. We come back and pay her rent (HALF of the mortgage amount and the WiFi) and around 6 months later she falls ill and cannot work anymore.
This forces my husband to change career paths so he can pay all of her bills. She outlined what we need to pay (mortgage, PECO, WiFi, trash, oil, water filtration system) and we plan accordingly. We also have our own separate bills (car payments, company insurance, health insurance, groceries, insurance for us and our 4 kids).
We increased our bills buy $3,700 buy having to take on her bills so rapidly. It was the plan to inherit the home/bills, but not so abruptly and soon.
Now that she’s been out of work for around a year, she comes to me saying “I want to retire. But I have more bills for you.” This blindsided my husband and I because she did not mention this before when we had to budget everything out when she first fell ill.
The new bills include upgrades she did to the home and is financing. New doors/windows, bathroom remodel and a new roof. Adding those bills would add an additional 1k+ to what we’re already paying.
I don’t know HOW we can do this or if it makes sense for us to pay it.. right now at least. I feel like an asshole for even questioning this. But we’re already being pulled so thin with everything being thrown on to us.
Should we just take the bills over? Should we take some time to figure out everything? Why didn’t she tell us sooner? I’m just confused. AITAH?
NTAH. This cultural expectation keeps future generations poor.
NTA, but realistically if she’s having you take over these bills because she can’t afford them how prepared is she to be able to afford retirement and moving. Be prepared that she might expect you to pay that too. Don’t just agree to pay all these things it is literally taking money from your future whether it’s saving for your own retirement or college savings for the kids.
NAH. Life is lifing it appears. How long does bro have to finish college?
The solution to saving the family may be to sell the house, everyone downsize
She needs to downsize asap. You have four children, don’t jeopardize your own family!
NTA.
Do not set yourself on fire to keep other people warm.
She’s not just sharing the house with her family — she’s also sharing all of her debt and mistakes. No thanks.
Your mom can’t afford her house. Sounds like you can’t either. And you need to be very careful, because although she says that the house will be yours one day, until it’s your name on the title, she is entitled to change her mind – leaving you paying a lot of money for nothing.
Your mom needs to sell the property and buy something she can afford.
Good luck with it all.
NTA. She chose to do a bunch of unnecessary renovations, that’s HER bill. That is no more your responsibility than her hair appointments are. It was generous enough of you to move in and come to her rescue for her poor financial planning, you should absolutely not take on more. Supporting your parents is one thing, but you should not be enabling her bad decisions. Those costs need to come out of her own savings/retirement since she *chose* to incur them
Why don’t you sell/downsize? And your 28 year old brother NEEDS to work. NTA but you need to find a solution soon so you don’t put this burden on your family.
Sounds like she needs to sell her house. She can’t afford it and neither can you.
This is kind of confusing as you say your mom “bought you a house” but then she put you out of that house?????? Then she demanded you move in with her and pay most of the bills in return for half of the house– is your name ACTUALLY on the deed to the house? When will your brother graduate and start paying back his mom for the college tuition?
NTA. Cultural expectation shouldn’t mean letting yourself be financially abused.
SHE DID NOT BUY YOU A HOUSE! If she did, the title would’ve been in YOUR name! You’re paying for a house you have no legal right to and have NO guarantee to get it if she passes.
It sounds like yall just need to move out and figure out your own plan. Mom can sell her house and pay back her own debt that SHE got herself into!
Wherever you are, find a financial advisor so you know the local laws to protect yourself from complete financial ruin.
Move out. Buying or renting your own home would be cheaper. She needs to sell HER home to deal with HER debts. And your brother needs to grow up. You’re harming your children by participating in this financial chaos.
Sounds like it’s time to sell the house and do plan b