Hey Reddit,
I’m at an impasse. I’m invited to a few weddings this summer with my spouse. A few are her friend/coworker relationships who she sees maybe 1-2 times a year socially but works with them. I have no connection with them other than through my spouse. They are nice people but I’m not really connected or close with them and don’t really care to maintain other than pleasantries. My spouse and I eloped privately to be honest so the whole notion of attending someone’s wedding because they attended ours is not relevant.
I’m sure my wife would appreciate if I attended with her but I would honestly prefer not to go, productively I could watch our then to be toddler and would rather prioritize time for my own peace. AITAH for not wanting to attend with my spouse? I’m trying not to be a grouch as I hit my mid 30s I just really value my time, peace and don’t want to overextend myself. Curious to other people’s feedback or if I’m being too stubborn.
“I’m sure my wife would appreciate it if I attended with her.”
I mean have you spoken to her about it? Sometime we all do things we don’t really want to do because it makes our partner happy.
NAH. Just talk to your wife about it. You’re essentially a +1 here, the couples don’t care if you can make it. It’s really just a question of how important it is to your wife.
All depends on how your relationship works. If she thinks you’re an AH for not going, then YTA. Women like to have dates for attending weddings, and it can be a big deal. It’s sort of a spousal obligation.
If she would appreciate you going but is OK with you not going, then fine, NTA. So don’t ask Reddit, ask her.
In terms of when you accompany each other to events, talk it out and make some decisions about when you’ll go for each other and when you won’t.
Pick one wedding and agree to go. Hopefully, it will be the one that is the most entertaining. You aren’t going for the couple. You and your wife will get to enjoy some adult time together and have a meal.
YTA. Going to a wedding alone would suck for your wife. Can’t you think of it as a date night and time alone with your wife which I know is hard to come by with a toddler. We do things for the people we love, it is one night and I would urge you to suck it up.
Agree totally. Having a plus one for social engagements is part of the social status of being married. Denying her this could diminish the marriage. She is asking for a few weddings, not being around these people every weekend.
Yup not to mention it makes her look bad. If someone who’s married shows up to an event like that by themselves people will immediately start gossiping about why and that there must be something wrong😬
NTA. This is a common complaint as couples go into their 20s and 30s with weddings, baby showers, and other life events taking up all the free time. It can be tough when one partner of the couple has a lot of contacts that are having these life events and the other partner can find a significant reduction in free time (on top of you having a young kid and free time is already rare).
You should talk to your spouse about compromising and not just going to all of them if you have no interest in it. If they expect you to be at all the life events for acquaintances that is not being fair to you.
If they want to go to them because it’s something to do and they want to dress up and go out, it is something to think about that maybe you, them, and maybe your kid should do more and go out more (or maybe drop the kid off at the g-rents for a long weekend/Valentines day trip)
I personally wouldn’t want to attend a wedding alone if married for a myriad of reasons. It’s late and nearly everyone’s drinking, so I’m always worried of safety; you have to field a thousand uncomfortable convos about why your spouse isn’t there; you likely know almost no-one else there, and even if you knew a handful from work, it’s not like you’re as comfortable sitting and engaging alone, as you would with your spouse present; you have nobody to dance with for slow dances; you get all dressed up to go out alone… I could actually go on. Seriously though, this happens like twice a year. Assuming she’d prefer you to go (and if she says it’s ok you don’t, she’s likely only doing that for your benefit, not hers), You can get over it and suck it up for those *few hours a year* for only a couple of years in order to make it easier for your wife. Unless you have a legitimate disorder (anxiety, OCD, etc) that might make it very difficult for you to attend, you just seem selfish. YTA
Exactly!
Grow up and act like a man!
What does your wife say? NAH for not wanting to go. But you could also look at this as a date. Your wife may want to dress up and have you at her side, maybe have a few drinks and dancing. Sometimes its not about you…
show you love her & support her. don’t let her have to make an excuse for you. YTA