AITA after an argument about wine and I fact checked and my partner said I’m made for his brother?
So what happened was, I grew up in wine country South Africa, and my partner has had some experience with wine as well.
We sat in the garden and had Martinis but switched to a 2020 Dry Red wine made in South Africa.
We were having a decent afternoon when he mentioned something about people adding colouring to the wine when I explained that white and red wines are created with different grapes and no added colourings are added… I always fact-check and it might be rude but I know my facts and sometimes I DO feel obligated to show them because I know (especially when it comes to wine and personal experience).
So the argument stopped and he apologised and as he left to pack a new hubbly, he mumbled under his breath… ‘you and my brother are made for each other’.
I contemplated his response and felt guilty for my actions, I knew he was wrong and didn’t say anything after he said his brother and I are made for one another.
So for context, his brother has fact checked mid conversation plenty of times and even if he was wrong never apologised, where I have always apologised when I was wrong…..
A little after that… I sat quietly, not wanting the argument to escalate…. when he asked me about my mood. He then continued saying I am trying to be superior to others and that’s why I fact checked.
AITA for walking away?
I
NTA. You don’t really need to be a wine expert to know that red and white wine come from different grapes.
But I fact checked aka googled mid conversation to prove my point because the argument would have escalated otherwise.
But some cheaper red wines do add color to change the appearance in the glass. Was he arguing that red wines are only red because of dye or that some wines add color? I only ask because you said he knows about wine and it’s pretty much common knowledge that red wine and white ar evade from different grapes.. except like white zin, which just has skins removed
Info: Was it actually a heated argument or just a discussion?
Even if you were rude, he was ruder. NTA, I would have corrected that misconception as well.
SA pinotage is a world class varietal.
Not much of an argument. So he has childhood trauma and wants you to present dumber. NTA
Right? I would ask why this dude is getting fact checked all the time, is it because he’s always wrong? Cause it sounds like that could often be the case.
It seems to me that it bothers him a lot when his brother does this so I would probably not do this in the future. I personally don’t think being right about something is worth hurting someone’s feelings, though I’m sure you didn’t mean to.
INFO: what exactly did he say about wine coloring? If he was talking about an idea that red wines were from red coloring added, why fact check that? Everyone knows that, and you yourself say he has experience so I assume he does. If he was mentioning how some vintners color their reds to make them deeper, then he’s right, some bulk producers do. Without knowing exactly what was said, I can’t say who’s being more offensive here.
Nta- in my head as long as you didn’t just hold the phone in his face and laugh when you found out you were right.
I personally would rather be corrected politely while sharing knowledge and experience, rather than continue life under an false assumptions.
This one’s hard. I understand your perspective because I also like sharing facts I know, and sometimes it can be hard to rein that in because it can be taken as trying to come across as intellectually superior or a know-it-all show-off. It also has a lot to do with how you present the information too, like there’s a difference between “um akshually 🤓👆” and “I know something really cool/interesting about that! Can I share it with you?”
I think his hang-up is also mostly with his brother. It sounds like his brother is a very unpleasant person to be around and your partner has been hurt by him many times in the past, so he’s extra wary around habits he sees as similar to his brother. Even if the intent is different, it hits your partner in the same spot.
You two just need to have a conversation when you’re both feeling ready to tackle the issue in a cool-headed manner. You should feel free to contribute to the conversation with the things you know, and he should feel free to not feel condescended to or interrupted during the conversation. How can the both of you meet each other in the middle? Is it something in your conversation style that you need to work on? Him separating you from his brother? It’s likely a mix of both of these things and probably other factors. You both just need to express what you need, openly hear out the other person, and work on that problem together. Remember, in a relationship you’re a team working together against the issue, not against each other.
Thanks for your comment, it truly helps.
So our relationship is based on trust, knowledge and a hint of goofiness which often plays a role.
But our back stories could probably give more information than provided in my rant.
I am a 34yr old mother of 2 ( 9 and 16) and he has been a perpetual bachelor for over 20 years ( by choice of course)
I have been undermined and pretty much mentally abused, and saying anything would have caused some words. Breaking down my character and my personality.
I have recently been divorced( about 2 years [separated to be truthful]) and it was the first time I felt comfortable being myself and saying things like it is.
So I understand that from my side, perhaps my past has made me want to not be in the limelight anymore. And hence my guilt of fact-checking mid-conversation.
NTA. He should appreciate the new information. I hate finding out I’ve believed something wrong for years! And if someone shows me the facts to back it up it add validity to their position. It’s weird to think you shouldn’t tell someone they’re wrong to spare their feelings.
Fact checking is the opposite of superiority. It’s literally saying “I don’t know so I will defer to a third party trusted source”.