okay so I (18 f) love twilight so I found a guy selling twilight shirts made by Gildan and Anvil the shirts are old I got them and was happy
my dad happily bought them for me as a "kind" gesture…after a few days the seller told me he found more in his possession and sent me pictures he even had hunger games shirts which I was excited for…I told my dad and we agreed but he suddenly told me to bargain and managed to get an offer then he suddenly asked to see the shirts he saw the worn tags and he realized they were used and got mad at me wanting to get more of these "used" shirts and offered me to go get them from a mall is told him they are old and if anything he’d get tired not finding the shirts (and knowing him he would get pissed off) so I explained to him the first movie was released in 2008 the last one being in 2012 yet he seemingly bashed me over and over and hit his head against the wall and said he was gonna end his life and threatened to leave me and my mom and return to our home country…he also said if he will leave he will go get hit by a car and he was acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum overall…making gestures like tugging at his hair red in the face (60m by the way) throwing a tantrum over shirts he then started to talk more "calmly" still an asshole just not yelling he said how I would look "poor" I retorted saying how if that makes me poor then id be the poorest person ever gladly he got angry told me and my mom to shut up a lot kept saying I can find it at the mall which I told him no I couldnt and it went back and forth then he left and returned and bashed me some more even saying if he knew someone im my home country he would send me back…making me feel disposable…I feel like im at fault here i blamed myself for liking the saga now not earlier (mind you I was 1 when the saga began and 5 when it ended so…I shouldn’t even be mad at myself yet here we are I suppose) I cant sleep thinking of it it had happened a few hours ago its still fresh in my mind we did come to an agreement of getting the shirts and washing them thoroughly but…after what? Now I feel afraid of wearing them because id link it to that argument….and since then I havent been able to sleep nor eat well…I dissociated a lot during the "discussion" and my mom was afraid since I hardly spoke or nothing just…frozen i feel like part of me just died i feel like im not me anymore and im blaming myself over it cause…really am I the asshole?
So you bought used shirts and your dad is mad that they are used so you look poor in them?
Basically that…I have no idea why he thought that since technically its eco friendly isnt it?
I would buy used stuff if I found a good deal aven if I had money and knew a place to get new stuff. I dont think you op are a ass hole
Thanks its reassuring to here especially since after it all he hugged me and pretended that he was mad under the guise of him worrying about my health…itll be hard for me to see these shirts the same way again I must admit
Different generations have different priorities and values and so on. Try to make yours clear but everyone needs to adjust their behavior now that you’re a grown up. Some needs a little pushing. NTA
NTA.
The t-shirts aren’t the issue here. Your Dad needs serious mental help.
Wish he could get locked up in some institution
NTA. Your dad needs to be medicated and/or incarcerated bc this is verbal abuse.
Tell him either:
a – no one can see the tag, so no one will know – OR –
b – play it up as vintage. they’re cool bc they aren’t made anymore. that’s not poor – that’s trendy. like buying a classic car, or vintage louis vuitton (or whatever brand/item you think will work.)
Since he paid for them, I’m assuming you’re not in a position to GTFO. Start trying to figure that out bc he completely crushes your soul. Good luck.
I said vintage the mf doesn’t know English well so he doesnt understand and yes I want to honestly leave so badly but my mom needs me she pleaded with me saying how she needs me (she is in the hospital I am here with her and my dads usually outside and pops in every once and a while but not often as he is usually outside)
NTA
Trying to see it from your dads perspective though – I’m much older than you(44) but my dad (74) is going through some early stages of dementia where alot of guilt & shame & hatred & not liking what others do & how they live, is coming through. He came from a poor background, and the way he shows love us to buy us new things, things he never got as a child and wanted for us. So i can see why he MIGHT be thinking this way too – he doesn’t want you to ‘look poor’, he’s got a lot of shame attached to it perhaps. (Eg wanting to buy new stuff, being rejected, feels unheard, gets angry)
Yes he needs therapy or at least someone to tell him he’s not thinking broadly etc. He’s not able to communicate this (or whatever) with you appropriately so it comes out like this unfortunately. Your mum might not be able to articulate it either.
I would approach it as – there’s no shame in secondhand, this makes you happy, vintage fashion is a thing, wearing secondhand is also about reducing landfill and over consumption (etc). He might not understand but maybe he’ll learn it from your perspective?
Xx
I can see what you mean and sadly no one can tell him that sadly as he is a horrible bastard who sees himself on top of the world and even when we try he shuts us down with yelling so I guess its best I just buy from the seller one last time and close the suitcase on the shirts until im back home yet now I lost interest in wearing them due to the horrific argument I dont want to risk losing another interest due to a traumatic argument
I totally understand x
Sometimes they don’t want to change, but know, you’re not doing anything wrong. Try to keep things for yourself, white lie sometimes doesn’t hurt