I (23F) have three siblings: Landon (30M), Julia (32F), and this is about the youngest, Sarah (29F).
My siblings and I have had an on and off relationship most of my life. We were not hostile, but it often felt more like we were roommates than siblings. I assumed the age gaps made it harder to connect. In high school, I became much closer to Landon and Julia. We talked regularly, and they helped me through typical teenage and relationship drama.
Sarah has always been different. It never felt like she was interested in my life. At one point, I was desperate to have a relationship with her. When she moved out, I consistently reached out, but I would get no response, last minute cancellations, or she would simply disappear.
She has a son, Leon (13M), whom I love deeply. When she was pregnant, she moved back in with us and our relationship genuinely improved. We talked and laughed, and after she moved out, she still visited for a while. Eventually, old habits returned and we lost contact again.
This cycle seriously affected our relationship with Leon. She would bring him over, teach him our names, he would call me “Auntie T,” and then she would disappear. The next time we saw him, he would not remember who we were. It was heartbreaking.
Now that Leon is older, he has been asking to see us. All communication goes through Sarah. In early December, my dad tried repeatedly to contact her about Boxing Day, either to see if she would come or if we could pick up Leon. After multiple failed attempts, my dad asked me to contact Leon directly and have him check with his mom. Leon messaged me back and said she said yes.
At 2:00 a.m. on Boxing Day, Sarah finally messaged me saying that we needed to contact her first before making plans because she did not want Leon disappointed, and that they actually had other plans and could not come.
I was shocked and honestly pissed. This was after weeks of no responses. I replied explaining that Dad had tried multiple times to reach her, that we would never have contacted Leon if we had been able to reach her first, and that her pattern of ghosting makes it difficult to maintain a relationship with our nephew. I also told her she should call Dad herself and that I am not a messenger pigeon.
She still has not responded.
My mom says I was too harsh and that there was a nicer way to communicate. My dad says being nice has not worked for years and that Sarah needed to hear it. My siblings are split. Landon agrees with me, while Julia sides with Sarah.
So, AITA for contacting my nephew about Boxing Day after my sister ignored us for weeks?
NTA. If your sister had responded, you wouldn’t have had to contact Leon. Sister is the problem here.
Having a hard time with this.. did Sarah have a child at (edit) 16? It sounds like your family dynamic is a bit more complex. Confirmation should be going through Sarah, even if she’s not responding. ESH
29 – 13 = 16
Good good. Had just woken up and couldn’t math – and yet the point remains, there could be a complex family dynamic there
It’s unclear why the mum is being distant from the family after having a child while a minor, it could be that she may have been treated poorly or went through some stuff that OP may or may not know about from being a young mother.
To clarify, I think it’s perfectly fine to reach out to a different family member if one is not responding and they haven’t made their intentions clear. The issue is that a child shouldn’t then be caught up between adults’ inability to communicate with each other, and kids shouldn’t be confirming plans in cases like this, the final confirmation should have come from the kid’s mum.
NTA I have a sister that is similar so annoying
NTA. You did contact her first, repeatedly, and she didn’t respond.
NTA
Poor kid.