I am a 29 F. My best friend is a 34 F.
5 months ago I lost my job and got my unemployment rejected so I had no support. I’m NC with family so I really had no help or way to eat except for asking my friends to help me with groceries and toiletries. my best friend has helped me the most, paying for my groceries for weeks at a time and ordering pads, soaps, etc on Amazon for me this entire time. I have been \*\*grateful to her\*\*, cooking food for her with the groceries she got, publicly posting about her helping me on social media, and even getting her flowers randomly(I had to ask another friend to lend me.money just to get them 😭) to tell her how much I appreciate her.
\*\*I have thanked her for every single time she has offered help and even felt bad asking her after a while and had stopped and she still told me its okay to ask dont be guilty or feel bad\*\*
\*\*2 days ago, I finally got a job offer.\*\* I didnt tell anyone directly but I \*\*made a status that I am no longer unemployed and got a job.\*\*
\*\*My best friend was livid.\*\* She said how dare I not tell her first after all she has done for me. \*\*She didn’t like how she found out on social media with everyone else instead of me personally calling or texting her to let her know the good news.\*\*
My other friends who have given me money and help while unemployed said \*congratulations\* right away and didnt take offense to me posting on social media first so I was confused.
she literally said its about the principle of respect, not \*\*immediately thanking her for everything she has done for me while unemployed\*\* the exact moment I got an offer.
so I ask you guys…
Edit: I can take accountability and say I should of just sent the 2 second text saying I got the job. Even if I was tired. It takes a few seconds and all of this would of been avoided if I just texted her briefly.
-I don’t owe her any money. My best friend isn’t rich but she is very well off and told me from the jump that every thing she is doing for me is a gift. I wanted to pay her back just for the principle.
-our friend group that we are both in side with me and say that I have been showing her gratitude publicly and privately so they dont understand why she’s acting like this either.
-I accept that I am the asshole for not texting her right away but I am not ungrateful or a bad person… I am very grateful to her…
-She has stopped supporting me financally a month and a half ago because I met someone new who has started to support me as well and they are well off as well so he doesn’t mind helping me. I want to go back to school to finish and then get into a career. I talked to my best friend about the plan too and she was happy that I found someone else to help me. She was very supportive of him.
-I wasnt going to hide the fact that I got a new job from her. I was going to tell her right after I made the status but that was wrong of me. I get it now.
Its a part time job for 16 hours a week at 17.50 an hour. Both my boyfriend and my best friend make 6 figures.
– I am NC with my family because I have been abused by them. Since everyone keeps saying how they can see my post history even though I "hid" my posts, you can see most of my posts are from cptsd and bpdlovedones(subs about surviving abuse and trauma from abusers). Making comments about my piercing is very inappropriate and I do not have an OF so stop being weird bringing attention to it when I was showing the piercing off in a piercing sub.
She blocked me on everything but my other friend said she will talk to her and see if we cab sit down. Hopefully we can but if we cant, I guess I fucked up and I should of told her first 😭🥲
YTA, your post and comment history speak for themselves.
PSA: anytime anyone tries to “hide” their profile, all you have to do is go up to the top of their profile, hit 🔎 and enter (don’t have to type anything) and everything will show up.
YTA. You should’ve called her before posting on social media, and you know it.
No doubt. YTA!
She was supporting you financially while also supporting herself. Flowers and a Thank You doesn’t cut it. You should have told her about the job and offered to pay her back.
I mean, it would have taken two seconds to text her first, before posting it to the world. Instead, she got lumped in with the others… who didn’t financially support you.
I can understand why she is doubting the validity of your friendship. She is suppose to be best friends with you and has been financially supporting you for months but it doesn’t even occur to you to call her and tell her your good news? If something good happens to me there are going to be some people I think to tell before I go post it on social media.
YTA
Your friend supported you through a difficult time and you don’t tell her the most important thing that happened to you in months, a thing that also affects her.
You have a great friend here. Save this relationship: apologize and buy her a NICE gift to thank her.
Side note: she is helping you with money and you borrow money to buy her flowers? Wtf
Don’t buy a gift. Start a repayment plan instead. That will mean more
Info: why did you not tell anyone directly? You call this person your best friend, so it seems kind of unusual to me that you wouldn’t tell her directly. I don’t think it’s reasonable for her to expect you to text her the exact instant you get the job offer, but reaching out would have been a kind gesture. Maybe I’m old fashioned in this, but getting news from social media posts about a friend of mine that I helped and cared about would also upset me a little.
YTA. You have taken her help for granted by doing this. Making her find out via social media is not nice.
I mean, YTA. Your post (with all the ***) reads as cheeky and not that you are actually, at all, grateful.
And yeah, you should have told her about the job, set up a plan for paying her back, and told her how much it meant to you that she helped you at your lowest so you could get back on your feet.
Also, personally, if I was lending someone money to help that someone during a difficult time, and that someone sent me flowers, I would be wondering why and how someone has money for flowers but not food.
Yes, YTA.
Seriously, YTA
Your friend has been supporting you financially so you could get back on your feet. Not having the respect to not play immature bullshit games and just communicate what YOU were doing to gain employment is absolutely absurd.
That’s a grsat way to lose trust and end the friendship. Don’t be surprised if they cut you off and show you the door. Don’t abuse people’s generosity
YTA. Life is expensive, and she went above and beyond for you. It would have been such a simple courtesy to tell her, thank her, and tell her you can’t wait to start to repay her generosity. You took the generosity of others for granted.
I don’t think this makes you inherently ungrateful, so that part is irrelevant to me, but it’s still an AH move to be so appreciative for her support but not keep her in the loop. To me, she would’ve been the first person I would have updated directly when I got a job offer. Very, very tone deaf of you to share the news this way. YTA
YTA – your lack of actual understanding here is pretty astounding. She’s literally paying to help you live and you couldn’t give her a text that says you got a job and how thankful you are for her help? She’s treated you better than family, and she found out very relevant news from generic social media. That feels like a very one sided situation