Edit: little update I wanted to add is she said I should "respect that she is a smoker". Not sure what that means or how you do it. I thought I was by not criticizing it and offering a compromise I talk about bellow but I guess thats not it. She refuses to elaborate.
So I (M,23) have this friend (F,22) I have known for years and she has smoked since highschool. I dont condone smoking, especially with people I care about but she expressed she doesnt want to discuss it so I dropped it. She is very defensive about it and honestly has a pretty odd relationship with smoking. Mosts smokers i know say "i wish i could quit", "youre lucky you never started". But she just straight up says "i wont quit, i dont want to quit, i love it". Whatever, her life her choice. But the problems arised this winter. Since we were getting coffee and catching up recently, we’d have to sit outside, freezing the entire time so she can smoke because at most spots you cant smoke inside. Sometimes just me, sometimes another friend with us. I have already suggested that she smokes for a bit and then we can move inside to warm up because for a bit its fine but after an hour or more sitting outside we really get very cold and uncomfortable. She firmly refused that and said she wont sit at a cafe and not be smoking. As an alternative she said we could go to a smoker bar and im not sure if you have ever been but it just stinks terribly in there, you feel like you’re speedrunning lung cancer and all you clothes smell afterwards. Its really just worse than freezing outside.
But now this friend is offended that im refusing these two options. Its not actually that i cant endure that, i just feel like i shouldnt have to sacrifice my comfort to accomodate her bad habit. Especially when she refuses to do the same and would rather not see me than not smoke the entire time she is with me. Im not judging her for smoking which she acts like i do. But I’m of the opinion that, as a smoker, you should do your best to not affect those around you negatively with your smoking. She thinks i should just accept her as she is and endure silently if i really love her. AITA here?