Hello everyone, so I (19F) have a friend (20F) and it’s her birthday today, yay! When clock struck midnight I rushed to send her a text and congratulate her and she replied and mentioned she was out.. So naturally I asked her something like "oh wow nice, where?" and she responded that she went to a movie ‘last minute’ with a mutual friend (+ another 2 friends joined later) and then after for some food without even inviting me.
This honestly hit me emotionally (but idk if Im being dramatic) not because she’s out with her friends and having a good time but because us three are a trio. 🙁 (Some background: Before that we used to be a group of 6 but they all had some beef when i was on a trip and they somehow decided that i should be adopted by this party and now i have surface contact with the other half.) The worst part ig is that I don’t have many close friends beside them and they still didn’t even wanna check if I want to go have a birthday night out.
I didn’t wanna be immature so I didn’t reply anything yet. I was just thinking that every single time I felt like hanging out I would make sure they both wanted to go out (especially on such an important day!!) but I also feel like it’s wrong to expect them to do the same. But then again I guess people simply treat you the way they feel about you and theres no point in thinking about it too hard. Idk if this is too little info + English is not my first language so there might be mistakes.
Slight YTA. I’m not too sure why you made this about you since it’s supposed to be about your friend‘s birthday. If you wanted to do something with her, make plans with her. Even something along the lines of, I’d love to see you today or I’d love to celebrate you! You should be happy that she’s happy on her birthday.
It’s not really her making about herself. ANY friend would be hurt about not being invited to a birthday get together for someone they thought was a best friend.
Yeah Ikk I dont want to make it about myself I was just disappointed they didnt think to invite me lol but Ill probably suggest something like that
What a shame. Don’t do anything stupid like I did once in my he same situation. Hold your peace and let them call you for the next outing, you’ll find out who your friends are. I know it stings!
def wont, i dont want to be impulsive, thank you 🙂
that sucks 🙁 trio friend groups are so hard! YWBTA if you try to hash it out with her right now, but at some point i think it’s very reasonable to bring it up with her
I don’t think you are TA for having the feelings, and you are handling them well by asking before any rash decitions. If you just lashed out, you would be TA. Can’t you ask to join them?✨️
well its a bit late for that unfortunately but ill prob just ask them to hang out another time
Yeah I don’t know where u are, it’s most 1:30 AM here so if it’s the same for you I understand that!
I don’t know what kind of drama that split your 6 person group but what are your worries in this? Do you think of them as the kind of people to purposely leave you out? If not then it is probably just last minute planning and not thinking so far. Been there, done that, and it has never been to hurt somebody or exclude them.
YTA
They’re your friends, not your staff. They don’t have to run all their plans by you or invite you to everything. You’re allowed to go do things without them too, and I would suggest it since you seem to be kinda co dependent on them.
It’s ok for your friends to be friends apart from you. That doesn’t mean they don’t like you. It just means they have a life apart from you. If you don’t have a life apart from them that’s a problem you need to work on.
NTA, your other two friends are a h o l e s. It would be good if you can (eventually) figure out which of the other two friends organised the movie outing, because that one is the bigger a h o l e and the other one is the smaller a h o l e (but still an a h o l e). It’s a shame that “friends” behave this way, but it is surprisingly common unfortunately. I think continue being a good friend to the smaller a h o l e, don’t make too much effort with the bigger a h o l e, and also try and make new friends slowly.
NTA for feeling what you feel. The question is what will you do? You might be TA if you were to lash out at them. Either ask to join them or – preferably – suck it up, and some other time when you see them gently ask if they are upset with you or something, or if there was some other reason why they didn’t invite you.