I’m 24M and live in a two-bed flat with my friend (25M). We’ve lived together for about a year and generally get on well. Rent and bills are split 50/50.
A few months ago, he started dating his girlfriend. At first she stayed over occasionally, which was completely fine. Over time, that turned into her being here almost every night. She’s here when I wake up, still here when I get home from work, and sometimes here even when my roommate isn’t.
She doesn’t pay rent or bills. She uses the shower, the kitchen, the washing machine, and our internet. Our utility bills have noticeably gone up. It also just feels like I’m living with a couple now, which I never agreed to.
I finally brought it up and asked if we could set some limits, like her staying over a few nights a week or contributing to bills if she’s basically living here. I was calm about it and said I wasn’t trying to be difficult, I just want the flat to feel like my home again.
He got defensive and said I was being controlling and “jealous,” and that having his girlfriend over is part of normal adult life. He said if I don’t like it, I shouldn’t live with roommates.
Since then, things have been awkward. He’s still having her over just as often, and now they both seem cold towards me. A couple of mutual friends think I’m overreacting and that this is just what happens when you live with someone in their mid-20s.
I don’t think I’m being unreasonable, but I’m second-guessing myself.
AITA?
NTA
Check your lease in case it has restrictions on guests, and how long they can stay. Some leases limit guest overnight stays.
Also, try to calculate how much the utility bills, etc. have gone up, and present him with a bill.
NTA. You’re not saying he can’t have her stay over at all, just trying to set reasonable limits. He’s effectively turning her into a third roommate who doesn’t pay rent. If he wants to do the he should get his own place.
Absolutely NTA.
What does your lease say?
I’d tell him that if she continues to occupy the place, you’re dropping your contribution to the bills to 1/3.
NTA, but explain to him you will be contributing 1/3rd to the bills now and he can do what he wants for the rest.
Yes this is normal except for the fact they split time between places.
How many nights are allowed in your lease?
Has he offered to cover her expenses?
Why can’t he stay with her?
NTA
You agreed to ONE roommate, not two. They are being quite rude and entitled.
Send him a request for reimbursement for the extra costs she has caused and for the excess in rent you have paid.
Are you both on the lease? See if he will agree to leave so you can find a new roommate. Put all the etiquette and other rules in writing and have the new guy sign them.
Is the landlord aware of her?
NTA,
Every roommate I ever had I had an agreement that friends and significant others could only stay over 3 nights a week.
**You signed up to live with ONE other roommate, not two.**
Also, having her there ever night is probably against your lease.
And lastly, point out you will no longer supplement the utility bills. They, now have to be divided in 3rds, and your only paying a third, because she has raised all your bills. Either he pays for her usage or she does. But you won’t pay any more.
You friend is being selfish. Your not stingy or jealous. He just wants his cake and to eat it too.
Her presence maybe normal for the age-group and life stage. But paying the bills is normal as well.
Two people use more utilities than one, so the bills need to be adjusted to this new normal.
Their two vs OP’s one, should mean the bills get split 2/3rd v 1/3rd.
Adulting works both ways.
And why does OP’s housemate never go to her house…?
NTA. You moved in with one person and now you’re sharing with two – and you’re subsidising her.
Nta. Seems about time to cut your rent n bills to 1/3 instead of 1/2
NTA. But your roommate certainly is.
But you’re TA to yourself for being so passive about it for this long. You should have nipped this before it became an issue bc now your roommate is going to say you didn’t have a problem with it before. Well you didn’t until she started living there which again is not ok.
It’s not a request, she’s not allowed to live there, period.
Your roommate just doesn’t want to lose out on his gf being there to get laid but that’s not an excuse to be awful and selfish roommate.
If he’s that defensive and against any reasonable and valid boundary, I’d talk with your landlord and let him know of the situation.
For references I had a roommate like this in college who moved his gf in without a word to the rest of us. I was the only one with a spine to say something and it ended. But only bc I held firm and said this is simply not going to continue as none of us signed up for this.
We did not live together after that lease ended and it was for the best.
Talk to your landlord and good luck.
I have a three night rule. And no partners are allowed in the house if the person who lives there isn’t with them. It’s about safety and respect along with financial consideration.
NTA, paying bills is also part of normal adult life. The single person is always “jealous” when trying to establish boundaries when a partner overstays their welcome and its a stupid cop out response. Only start paying 1/3 of the bills