i made a joke to a friend saying she was my mistress. i had a girlfriend that time and she said that was super disrespectful, which i agreed with after i realized it. in my defense, i was influenced and thought there was no malice if it was a joke, but i apologized and said i won’t do it again after. she was understanding and told me that flirty jokes are disrespectful in relationships. i agreed so i sweared to never make a joke that is flirty.
then she saw me joke about “nasa puso mo” when that same friend asked me something she wanted to find, and it was a common filipino joke said among friends, so i thought it wasn’t flirty, but she said it was. i said that in my environment which is my class i had known for years, it was so normalized and that i lacked guidance since she was my first relationship, but she said that it was common sense though.
then someone who seemed like she had a thing for me back then made a flirty remark in a chat about stealing me, and i was awkward and didn’t know how to respond, so i just replied with a laugh. then she wanted to confront the girl, but i stopped her since i didn’t want to cause a fight and be rude, and she was angry because i had care more about other people’s feelings back then than hers. she thr€@t€nd to f!8ht the girl to see my reaction and i got angry which made her more upset and walked out on me. she demanded a simple call out, saying the girl is disrespectful to my gf, but instead i tolerated it and laughed it off as if we’re just friends joking when it was obvious it wasn’t just a joke.
but after all that i understood it, i apologized, never did it again, changed, and redeemed myself. it happened i believe 2 years ago and has been constantly haunting us since she does not understand why i don’t believe i am a cheater as she insists i am throughout our relationship. i said i was disrespectful, apologized, and explained it was because i was influenced and didn’t have guidance, but i acknowledge my fault and don’t blame it on others except me. but she said that was supposed to be common sense since she had known that from childhood, and i said that because she already had relationships before and saw what was wrong and not due to both her parents’ affairs. but she insists that i must have known and wanted it, and there’s no way i didn’t know because it’s common sense.
additional since the rules won’t let me exceed 3k characters:
i had a genuine conversation with her about all of these last night and said that i cannot accept her cheater label after all even if i try to several times in order to fix us. i insisted it was disrespectful but not cheating, but i will allow her to say, think, and feel what she believes and just wanted both of us to respect that we have different opinions. she did not understand at first and said that i was like her father who sexually had an affair but does not consider it cheating because he was just pressured by his friends, according to him. i said that was sexual and had an intention, while i don’t. she still was upset but at the end said she will accept different opinions and understand it.
i suggested trying third party suggestions but since we don’t have the money for therapy, we tried ai. we both included our perspective and its judgement was that i was not. this was ai so it still may be biased and unreliable so we went to reddit for more humane standpoints.
Why not simply break up?
How old are yall? Because it sounds like you’re in middle school.
Hm. NAH? But I think if you really aren’t cheating, you should look at what she’s saying and how she’s reacting to these scenarios and refine your behavior because you can tell this stuff is making her mad. If you want to keep her, treat her like she’s really special to you – a lot more than these friends who are joking about wanting to be with you while she’s standing there listening. You can become the one your girlfriend deserves… you just have to step up and make sure she knows completely that you’re faithful to her because no one could replace her for you.
You sound exhausting to be around and seem to have no boundaries whatsoever.
Dude I can’t believe she hasn’t left your ass YTA
Ask her why she’s still with you if she genuinely believes you cheated.
Because she’s a scorekeeper and she’s ahead on points, which will allow her to shut down any real complaints he may have about their relationship or the way she treats him. She has the upper hand, as she seems to often remind him, and she is not going to give away that advantage for the sake of building a healthy relationship.
That was exhausting to read. You need to just break up. What a silly fight going on for 2 years. Imagine 20 years of this and you’d be divorced anyways.
NTA, honestly it just seems as if you saying that it was “influenced” reminded her of her fathers actions, thus bringing up that painful memory and taking some of that hurt out on you. while it WAS disrespectful of you i do think that two years is more than enough time to be able to let it go and move on. doesn’t seem very healthy to be holding grudges for so long and she should probably try to work through it.
Hmm…
Do you want to stay in this relationship or win a dictionary competition?
Whenever couples fight, you can become more connected relationally or become even more disconnected relationally.
The more important thing is understanding that her father tried to avoid taking full responsibility for cheating on her mother. Be empathetic towards that.
While your example to smaller, you keep staying on the defense is also showing avoidance of responsibility.
NAH.
Your girlfriend is insecure. She views everything you do through the lens of what her father did to her mother. You are being judged not by your actions, but by his. She needs therapy. Her insecurity is not something you can fix, she will have to figure it out herself.
OP on the other hand was flirty with female friends and classmates. If you are dating someone, you should stop flirting with other people. It’s a way to show that you respect the relationship, and that you aren’t out looking for someone else. OP, you sound like you are working on this, and as it’s your first relationship you are still learning and navigating.
No one is wrong, but both of you need to work on yourselves.
YTA for letting this drag on and on. It sounds like it would be better for you both if you broke up.