Hey everyone, this is a little more of a would i be the asshole if i do this as I haven’t done it yet. for some backstory i have been talking about planning a trip to QLD (we live in NSW) with friends and family for about 8 months now, i never do anything big for my birthday so this was going to be the first ‘party’ id every have for my 18th. For context, my bday is february 6th and the flight to qld would be on the 20-23rd of feb or the weekend after. I sent out the dates and can u make it? texts to plan flights and things and i said i can change the dates to fit people’s schedules as we would only be going up for a few days i did this in the 3rd of january, everyone said they will get back to me but they can def go to dinner on the actual day of my bday. 10th jan: asked everyone if there was any updates and they said they are waiting to see if anything important comes up like uni timetables to come out. 12th january: uni timetables come out and none of us have class on a friday so the plan was to fly there friday, come back sunday (keep in mind my fam own a unit there so accommodation would be free), they all said they should be able to. 14th, 16th jan: i sent out a text asking for them to lmk if they can come so i can start arranging flights and they said they will soon. today is the 18th, i sent a text saying ‘please lmk soon guys i rly gotta organise these flights i dont wanna be a nag but can u lmk today or tomorrow’. to which they all said it worked with their schedules but they just didnt want to or couldn’t miss a day of work but they can all come to the local dinner. will i be the asshole if i call off the dinner for being so angry with them?
NTA it sounds like people are trying to be as non committal as possible in order to say no to the trip without actually saying no. It can genuinely be about work schedules or simply financial. Either way if people want to do the trip you wouldn’t need to be chasing them up as much for a response. So you’re 18, take the trip, plan it for solo travelling. Be flexible with yourself and enjoy it. Don’t concentrate on who didn’t go. Now for the other part about the dinner. People have said they CAN attend a local dinner, so they haven’t said no to you on that.
So it’s up to you if you cancel the dinner because they cannot do the trip.
Or
Have the trip be a solo traveller and also have the dinner with people who want to make it.
But I will throw a word of caution. Particularly as some people have crap family and friends.
If you do have the dinner and try to confirm numbers. People who do want to go will say yes relatively quickly. Don’t chase people. Don’t chase for them to fit you in. If no one gets back to you or vague. They are a no. Book the table for confirmed numbers but have a plan b for call off or no shows, so that you don’t have a ruined evening.
Finally have a lovely birthday and a good time no matter what you do.