Hi all! I (27F) signed a lease this week for a new apartment that I’ll be living in with my sister (25F) in the town we grew up in. Our mom passed away a bit unexpectedly a little over a month ago and we felt it was important to move into a new space and one that’s closer to home. It’s a shorter commute for both of us and the best we could find in the area given our budget.
The apartment is next door to the apartment my friend (27F) lived in last year with her now ex-boyfriend. She hasn’t lived there since they broke up last Spring and the ex-boyfriend no longer lives there either. The break up was very tough for her and she’s had a difficult time with it in general. I texted her after my sister and I viewed the apartment to give her the heads up that we liked it and were planning on putting an application in. I told her I was sorry for the unfortunate circumstances and that I knew this would not be easy for her.
She says I betrayed her, I chose the apartment over our friendship, and I’m not taking her trauma seriously. I am truthfully shocked that she would come at me so hard when she knows what a difficult time I am having with my mom’s passing. She was upset that I described the situation as “not easy,” saying that it invalidates her feelings. I told her that I have to go to the house my mom raised me in, drive past her funeral home, and visit her grave every week, and that I know what it means to do things that aren’t easy.
She said the loss of my mom “wasn’t a choice” and that me signing for this apartment is. She’s upset that I’m unwilling to put her first. I think in her eyes, her break up and my loss are both traumas that need to be considered equally. I truthfully can’t believe the utter disregard she has for my circumstances. She knows why my sister & I wanted to move. I understand her being upset about this. I really do know that the first few visits might not be easy for her, and I told her that I’m sorry for that.
I’ve had a really difficult time keeping it together the last few weeks with my mom and this whole drama has me in a pretty bad place. I told her the lease has been signed and she’s obviously not happy. I think she wanted a chance to talk me out of it, which wasn’t going to happen either way. AITA?
Please let this be fake. I don’t care about the break up; where you live has zero to do with this “friend”. NTA except for in giving the nonsense a moment of your time.
She no longer lives there, nor does her ex, so she’s basically hung up over…the building itself?
“You can’t live in any building where any of my exes lived” is…beyond weird.
NTA.
NTA. You friends sounds selfish af
NTA. I see where visiting you at your new place may occasionally bring back sad or bad memories for her, but that will fade over time. It is not more important than you finding an affordable and safe place to live with your sister, closer to home with a better commute.
You and your friend could meet at her place or out at a cafe or sandwich shop for the next year, if she can’t bring herself to drive down your new street. She’ll realize she’s being silly if she thinks about it longer.
Thus is not worth losing your friendship over. She’s got tunnel vision. And your loss is more profound than her break up. Hang in there.
NTA. It’s terrible that your friend is saying her break up is the same as you losing your mother.
NTA.
1. Your “friend”’s reaction is weird and an overreaction even if you weren’t grieving. It’s hard to find good places to rent. Putting her aversion to an building on you is ridiculous unless she has a legitimate PTSD reason (assaulted there or something terrible), but I hope she would explain that.
2. You are grieving, a true friend should be doing whatever she can to support you, or at least trying to be understanding. She is not.
Sounds like she is incredible selfish and not supportive. What do you get out of this friendship besides more stress?
Your friend needs therapy.
This is not normal and her acting like you betrayed her is nuts.
NTA
NTA
It is not easy to be reminded of sad situations in your life, but 1. it’s not her who’s going to live there, it’s you 2. it’s not even the same apartment.
Besides, you didn’t choose this place to spite her or anything such, you chose it because it was available to you. Does she expect you to complicate your living situation just because of her breakup?
She’s the AH
NTA
Tell your friend you care for her and that she needs some therapy.
NTA
Your friend sucks.
I can’t stand entitled brats over 5 y.o.
NTA OP.
You’re friend needs therapy. How you can equate a break up (yes extremely painful and traumatic) but equate it with the loss of you Mum is just so outstandingly selfish I’m speechless.
You do not owe this girl in any way shape or form. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum 20 years ago so I’ve been there. Please focus on your own grief, healing and future and surround yourself with people who will be on that journey with you.
NTA, does she not go to malls, restaurants, etc that she used to go with her ex?
Also, she can choose not to visit you at the apartment and meet at other places…