To make a long story short my partner (30) and I (25) are moving into our new home in a few weeks.
We looked at the layout and were planning what will go where. It is a 2+1 bedroom home. My partner works from home and I do not. He stated that the one bedroom would be his office to which I agreed. The master bedroom would obviously be our bedroom and the last bedroom I had said could be a guest bedroom and also have my desk since there isn’t much room for it elsewhere (can’t be in his office due to him needing privacy for work and such).
He said that’s great but he also wanted a desk in our guest bedroom. This is where we disagreed – he wanted TWO desks. One for work in his office and one for leisure in our guest bedroom. I think it’s important to mention he doesn’t have two computers. He only has one that has both his work and personal capabilities.
He said he needs the extra space to separate work from home since working from home is hard to “unplug” and this would help create boundaries. So logistics of moving his computer between rooms aside – there doesn’t feel like an actual “necessity” for him to occupy two spaces.
I know this feels like a fickle problem but it’s really rubbed me the wrong way since I had said it feels greedy and like I am unable to have my own space. The entire house would be shared and he would have exclusive use of his office room.
Am I the asshole for saying it feels greedy and stubborn and we should be able to have separate areas? I don’t think I should be open to entertaining this idea unless I’m completely missing something because it doesn’t even make sense to me. It really does just feel kind of juvenile and excessive.
Note: Please do not say we need to have a divorce and no longer move in together. This is not a huge blow out argument, I’m just asking for some perspective and if maybe *I* am being the stubborn greedy party here. Thanks for the opinions in advance! 🙂
NTA, there’s no reason for two desks. There are other ways he can separate work and leisure time.
My partner works from home and has the box room in the house. We then have one guest room with just a bed/wardrobe, and then a second guest room that has a bed/wardrobe and a desk for when I WFH.
His desk for his fun stuff is also in his office, on an opposite wall.
This is the answer. If he wants two desks, he can put both of them in his office.
NTA. Your partner claiming the extra for his “personal” space is unnecessary, especially since it seems to entail your giving up your own personal-computer space. If he needs to create separation between his work and his play time, he should buy a second, relatively inexpensive system for that office/bedroom and be done with it. What they’re proposing to do strikes me as being selfish (you’re giving up your space so that he can have an extra play area) and wasteful vis-a-vis space.
NTA.
your concern is reasonable. he already gets a dedicated office, and it’s fair for you to want your own space too. wanting two desks while you get none isn’t balanced. his need to separate work and home makes sense, but taking over another shared room isn’t the only solution. a compromise makes more sense, and you’re not wrong for feeling this way.
NTA – I actually do understand having a work desk and a personal desk. But with him having an entire room to himself, he should be able to have that set up somewhere in his office.
Our “goal” was to have side-by-side desk setups but him working from home and needing privacy in addition to a bit of a lack of space made it challenging so I just assumed we would sacrifice. I think he’s trying to squish it all in which in turn kind of disregards me. His office is also big enough that he could have both in there if he did want to separate work and home life, he just doesn’t want to do that.
Yeah I get that perspective. I think the most fair approach is that you guys share a bedroom, he has complete autonomy over his office space, so you should have autonomy over the guest bedroom. That to me seems like a fair split
I was so sure from the title I was gonna side with him but NOPE there is zero need for three desks in a two person household. If he’s trying to unplug shouldn’t he be getting off the computer to begin with? Or he can sit at the kitchen table, couch, whatever. NTA.
NTA He sounds selfish and entitled. If the house is 50/50 in finances and he’s getting his own room, then no, he doesn’t get the extra bedroom. Tell him if he needs to unplug so badly he can start working in a shared space office outside the home, so that when he gets home, he’s ‘off work’.
NTA, there’s three bedrooms right? So one you share. One is his to do as he pleases and one is yours to do as you please.
That way it’s fair. He doesn’t get to monopolise space just because he’s working from his office. He will not find it difficult to unplug on his office, he could even put two desks in there, opposite each other so he can’t see one from the other.
That’s what I had suggested (we each have our own room and I was open to “mine” being shared as a guest room as we have friends from far that tend to stay over). But he didn’t want two desks in his room despite there being the room for it
Then he doesn’t have to have two desks in his room, but he doesn’t get two rooms.
He can have one room and do whatever he wants. But he can’t decide what goes in your room, just like you can’t decide what goes in his.
He is being greedy and selfish frankly.
Look, I work from home. I have my own office in the house. I have 2 desks in my office, a comfy chair, it’s decorated nice, I can absolutely unwind in my office and I do my job in. Your partner is being unreasonable. If they don’t want two desks in their office then that’s fine. But they don’t get to put a second desk in another room. They just don’t get a second desk in that case.