Hello. So, over Christmas break, I (19F) got outed/came out accidentally as queer to my family. My mom (40s F) found an image on my phone of me and my friends at Pride last year that she was not supposed to find. But it turned into a whole big thing, she said that she wouldn’t kick me out, but she was mad and disgusted. I was upset and quite frankly angry myself, so I left, and called my grandmother (70s F).
My grandmother, my mom’s mom, is a staunch LGBTQ+ supporter. I told her my situation, and drove to her house in tears because I was upset at my mom. I told her my feelings, and how hurt I was by my mom’s actions, and she took good care of me until I went back to college several states away.
My parents just found out that I contacted her and went to her. They said that I was deliberately causing problems, because now my grandmother is mad at my mom for being homophobic towards me. As much as I would like to say that all of my decision was just because I was scared, there was an ounce of me that went to my grandma because I knew she would be mad about it. I know that I shouldn’t have done that, but I also don’t know who else I would have gone to. I feel bad, and now my entire family situation is worse. Aita?
Honestly your mom brought this on herself. She can’t be homophobic and then get upset when her own mother calls her out on it.
And going to her mother because you knew she’d be mad is honestly the right move in this situation. You need backup, and your mom’s mom is maybe the best backup you can get here.
NTA, she’s your grandmother. You have every right to run to the person you knew would protect not only you but your name. Good on your grandmother for being a such a loving a supportive person. I hope my future grandchildren know the supporter they have in me.
NTA, going to grandmas and receiving unconditional love and support is the best grandmas anywhere.
NTA. You have the right to be yourself and talk to people about your feelings. Your parents are probably upset because they got called out for being awful to their kid. They’re only mad because they know what they did was wrong.
NTA. Your mom SHOULD feel bad, embarrassed, whatever. Let her.
NTA
You have the kind of grandmother we all deserve. I wish I could say the same for your mom.
NTA. You didn’t do this, your mom did. She can eat a bag of dicks as far as I’m concerned. She needs to apologize to YOU. When my brother came out, my mom cut him out of the family for several years. She eventually realized that he was more important to her than her previously held beliefs, and she apologized and begged for his forgiveness. Just to give you hope that sometimes people do come around!
Your mom put herself right where she landed. Not to worry OP, this isn’t on you or your grandma!
NTA
NTA. Your mom is extremely homophobic. You left the unsafe environment to go to your grandma, who you knew would support you. Even if you had the intention for your grandma to get mad at your mom, that’s just the consequences of your mom being homophobic. There are things that aren’t just a “difference of opinions” and need to be constantly called out, and homophobia is one of those things.
Why should you feel guilty for being hurt and wanting to go to someone who cares for you and will stand up for your rights as a human being?
🌈🥳GRANDMA💛‼️
NTA
You did nothing wrong. Going to a family member for support and love is what you should do. The fact that that family member wasn’t your mom is her problem.
> They said that I was deliberately causing problems, because now my grandmother is mad at my mom for being homophobic towards me.
No, your mom *being homophobic* is the reason your grandmother is mad at her for being homophobic.
> I know that I shouldn’t have done that
No. There’s nothing wrong with what you did; stop doubting yourself.
NTA
you deserve a person and place to feel safe with. if your mom cant provide safety than that’s her fault. don’t feel bad for wanting comfort.