I (19F) am good friend with Gaby (also 19F) and Max (18M). I’ve been best friends with Gaby since elementary school, so for around 12 years now. She was my first real friend, she’s smart, pretty and kind. Basically talented in anything and everything you can think of. Max is our ‘newer’ (not really, but compared to how long I’ve known Gaby then yes) friend whom we’ve known since we transferred school for around 7 years now, he’s funny and very outgoing.
At first i wasn’t too keen on being friends with anyone other than Gaby, but thanks to therapy I’ve managed to let go of most of that gross jealousy. Well, at least i thought so.
We are graduating this year, which means we’ll have ‘prom’ (trying to put it in american terms, but I’m not really sure what american prom is lol) and for the polonaise (a 5 minute pair dance at the beginning of all the formal stuff) We’re expected to pair up within our class. Before i even got to say anything, Max already decided he’s going to go with Gaby and I with our classmate, whom I’m not that close with. This hurt, since i was imagining ending this long era with the same person i came in with, but i know Gaby doesn’t really give a fuck. This has happened before (Max pairing up with Gaby before anyone gets a say and I usually end up having to go with someone i don’t really know). I was trying to ignore it and move on pass the childish jealousy, but this would really mean a lot to me.
I was wondering whether there really is a normal-ish way for me to even ask this…
You can ask but be ready for whatever her answer will be and accept that answer.
INFO: Why is this 5-minute dance so important for you to do with Gaby?
It feels like a sort of closing to a big era in our lives. We’ve spent 8 years in this school and the only reason i went here is to be with Gaby (i was a very antisocial kid and didn’t make many friends, so i tended to cling to her a bit) so i wish i could also ‘end’ this era with her. I also aren’t really that close with anyone else, so I’d just overall feel much more comfortable dancing with her
Info: do they have romantic feelings for each other or does max like her and thats why he tends to pair with her?
They don’t have romantic feelings for each other, I’m certain of that. Max has someone else he’s interested in, and Gaby has never shown much interest in anyone, really
NAH, you can definitely ask your friend and see if she wants. However, brace yourself for whatever the outcome is, you shouldn’t let it ruin your experience. You worked hard and graduating, you deserve to enjoy the day.
You can let him know that you would like to dance the polonaise with him and would he consider it and you can let Gaby know your preference too – then they can decide for themselves how they would like to play this out.
By stating that Max dives in quickly to pair up with Gaby before “anyone” gets a say, do you mean before “you” get a say? Do you think Max may have a “thing” for Gaby and does that trigger your jealousy? Or is it that you want first choice?
Are you saying you want to dance with Max or with Gaby? How does Gaby feel about dancing with Max?
Just now realized it’s not really clear from the post lol. I want to dance with Gaby, not Max. From what I’ve seen Gaby doesn’t really seem to care who she’s paired with.
I’m reading as she wants to dance with Gaby.
I suspect it would be very awkward to ask. I don’t think I would. At least I wouldn’t make it about the dance.
OP, I just realized I am not clear if you are male or female. Either way, it sounds like your relationship with Gaby has been “just friends” in the past, but maybe you have realized you are in deeper than that? If so, it’s a big leap to find out if the feeling is mutual.
My late husband and I hung out and went to plays, movies, and other activities for over a year as “just friends.” He finally got the courage to say he wanted more and to ask how I felt. I, too, had been afraid of losing a precious friendship if he wasn’t interested in me romantically. Well, we wound up being happily married for over 30 years before I was widowed. So many joyful memories.
So, my point: If you want a romantic relationship with her, you will eventually need to ask her how she feels about you. Maybe wait until after the dance.
If you don’t consider it a romantic relationship, then you might pursue some clarity over why this is so important to you.
Best wishes to you. My youth was wonderful, but the growing pains as I figured out who I was were awful.