I met my wife in college and she was soon pregnant after we graduated. We moved in together and it was decided that she will not look for a job until she after she gave birth.
Our daughter was born and my wife was a SAHM for the first two years. We had a lot of fight about the chore splitting. I was very overwhelmed coming home and having to do a ton of chores after work and also spend time with our daughter . This has gotten worse as our daughter has gotten older and is a little tornado
The biggest issue was she wouldn’t pick up at all especially in the kitchen. That ment I would come home clean the kitchen, cook and then clean the kitchen again. The have to go around and clean up the days activities.
We argued about this a lot and her stance was she watches our kid all day long so I can clean up more when I get home. In the end I gave in and we made an official chore chart.
Her- watch kid, do laundry and grocery shopping, appointments
Me- dinner, everyday cleaning ( whipping down counter, picking up toys, sweeping, etc) , trash, meal prep and nighttime routine ( bath etc)
In the summer, my company informed me that I would be let go around Thanksgiving. We talked in over and my wife found a job and would be the main breadwinner for the time being. I was to watch our daughter and I am in an online master program.
At the moment I am watching our daughter and doing my master program. I personally have now been having any issues but my wife is.
She hates having to come home and do chores and clean up after us. I actually leave it cleaner than what she has left me. ( I put dishes in the dishwasher throughout the day)
We have been arguing about this constantly. She thinks it is unfair she has to do chores after working all day and me pointing out this this literally what I have done for the past two years and keep pointing at the chore chart
She says she is the breadwinner now and I shouldn’t have to do this and I pointed out I was the breadwinner before to begin with and did this all. That I am watching our daughter and doing a program.
She claims I am being unfair, since I refuse to change the chore chart becuase it is literally what I have done for two years.
My friend have opinions on this so I need a outsider opinion
NTA your wife is being really hypocritical..I feel like she knows and is ignoring that fact. Gl
ESH you’re in a partnership and need to stop working against eachother. Work together to get more done
It’s obviously time to rethink the “chore chart” and have an actual and honest conversation about responsibilities around your home.
Yes, you are now the stay at home parent, but caring for a toddler is different than caring for an infant when also postpartum, so what you had time for during the day will also be different.
You are supposed to be a team, so come up with the best plan for all of you. This just feels like you resent what you needed to do to take care of your family when the baby was born, and not about being “fair” or “doing the same thing”.
How many hours does she work now? How many did you work? Can you send your child to preschool soon? Could you consider getting some help with the housekeeping? There are solutions to what needs to get done, so find those and not worry about what everyone was doing before.
Yes, a toddler tends to sleep less than an infant. One could argue he has less time to keep up with the housework, especially since he also has school work.
Except, Toddlers sleep through the night. Infants do not. Not getting a full night sleep is a huge blow to what someone can do during the day.
And can follow a routine. As a preschool teacher I could get more done with 4 toddlers than I could with 1 infant.
And infants don’t run around demolishing the house and shoving forks in outlets lol. And no. Not all toddlers sleep through the night. I think both of mine were 6 or 7 before they slept through the night and even then it’s questionable some days.
Toddlers are more work lmfao. They sleep less, make more messes, need actual entertainment, they eat three real meals that need cooked and cleaned up. Infants are the easiest stage. Not to mention he’s doing a masters program and watching the child. His wife needs to stop crying and carry her weight. Why does he need to keep taking on more work while she breezes by no matter what roles she’s playing?
He said they both worked full time. So assuming they both work between 35-40 but again the roles changed and he’s still home doing more because he’s watching the child, doing his masters and leaving it cleaner come his wife than she did him.
Everyone needs to stop blaming the husband. He doesn’t need to adjust the chore chart when it’s now his turn to have the kid just because she doesn’t want to do house work no matter her role. Do you think she would have taken on more chores when she was home? The answer is no.
I wouldn’t be willing to revisit the chore chart either and it’s not really fair to expect him to.
ESH, you all need therapy, or to communicate better. Though for real, everyone benefits from therapy.
I’m going to throw this out here and be gentle I’m mature (code for older) two grown people who have a child have a chore chart? Neither of you are watching your daughter you are her parents, your home is for all of you.
You guys need to stop this splitting stuff up non sense that is where the trouble is coming from. Work together. Every day dinner will need to be made and the kitchen will need to be cleaned, how about do it together and include your little one.
I have been married for 34 years, we still make dinner and clean up the kitchen at the end of every day, that includes taking out the trash, cleaning the litter boxes and handling the recycling. My husband and I both work from home, he works longer hours than I do and we just both get things done. I did two loads of towels yesterday, he folded them while I was putting away some holiday décor. No one asked, it isn’t my responsibility versus his responsibly, he saw them and folded them. House hold tasks are a part of everyday life, they need to more fluid, I feel like this emphasis on fairness is causing undo drama.
When you have a partner that does 0 chores and refuses to admit it, the chart is required. Dont ask how i know
Two grown adults can’t deal with household chores without lengthy negotiations and a written agreement?
You’re both fighting to make the smallest possible contribution to running the household.
You have bigger problems than “who does the vacuuming”.
ESH.
Grown adults? Theyre what? 24?
Theyre kids, and maybe they’ll learn some lessons her for their second marriage
24 is a full grown adult wtf are you on about 😂