I let my best friend move in with me a few months ago after she left a toxic relationship. AT the time she was only working part time and couldn’t afford to help me that much when it came to rent so we agreed that if she would do most of the cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping that she could pay about 15% of the rent and I’d pay the rest.
For the last 2 months she has not help up her end of the deal. Shes barely cooked, hasn’t gotten any groceries, and hasn’t helped clean at all, not even her room. So I have been doing most of not all of the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, paying more than 80% of the rent, and taking on a lot of stress and I’m honestly exhausted at this point.
On top of that, she has a history of alcoholism and was sober for a few weeks, or so I thought. It turns out, she’s been drinking again and hiding the empty bottles in her room. I can’t even say in upset about the relapse, im more upset about the fact that she intentionally lied to me and hid it from me. Shes also been seeing her ex again. The same person who destabilized her life and put her in the position to needing a place to live.
I can’t help but feel used, manipulated, and taken for granted. I feel like I’ve been forced into some kind of caretaker role rather than being a roommate. My home doesn’t feel like a home anymore. It no longer feels peaceful or stable and I feel like I’m suffering the consequences of actions I did not make.
I tried talking to her to see if she can hold up her end of the deal and if not then we’d have to split all expenses 50/50. She made it clear she can’t afford to split things 50/50 and will do better at holding up her end of the deal. I’m not sure how I feel about the conversation since she’s gone back on her word time and time again in the past. She also said she has decided to try again and start over with her ex. I’m not sure how I feel about that either given the fact I turned my life upside down to help her recover from the original breakup.
I’m considering telling her if they do officially get back together that we can no longer be roommates since that dynamic has already caused so much stress and instability in my life already. Some mutual friends think I’m being too harsh and others think I should’ve kicked her out weeks ago. I want some outside opinions that aren’t biased so please let me know… am I the asshole?
NTA
Your friend is in a toxic relationship and cannot seem to break out. You need to take care of yourself first!! I cannot stress that enough, TAKE CARE OF YOU. It seems you have been more than kind in helping her but you are being taken advantage of by this person. Tell her things just aren’t working out and she needs to find a place of her own. Sadly that might mean she goes back to the ex but it seems like that is where things are headed anyway.
Good Luck, soooooo NTA
This is a disaster that’s already happening- you just haven’t seen the worst of it yet. You need to make a firm but clean rule: she pays 50/50 or she has 30 days to find another place to live. Period. She’s already taking advantage of you, and shown you who she is as a roommate. Don’t do this to yourself!!!
NTA. Bottom line here-she is using you to support her and her poor life decisions. She needs to stop drinking and get a full time job. I think you should tell her she can’t bring the bf to your place, you wish her well but based on the past you don’t trust him in your home. Tell her she has 1 month to find new housing and until then she must get her iwn groceries, you won’t pay for her food anymore.
NTA. Your friend isn’t ready for stability. She’s going to keep spiraling until she works on herself. She’s using alcohol and relationships to get dopamine hits. Your friends that think your being harsh are welcome to host her.
NTA. you are 100% being taken advantage of. if it were me, i’d give her that last chance and see if the little heart to heart you had sparks a change, if not, she gotta go.
This is not “friend” behavior, much less “best friend” behavior; she is now taking advantage of you to feed both her addiction and her poor choices.
Her going back to her ex – after using you to get away from them – is a dealbreaker in my book.
You didn’t sign up for all this drama, and its time for her to take responsibility for herself.
Give her 30 days to move out – and stick to it.
NTA – you can’t set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Time to send her packing! Feeeloaders will freeload as long as you let them. You can’t please everyone. Her relationship is her business, if she wants to return to it, that’s o. Her. You have to bring your peace back to your home. Just remember to check local laws. You may have to evict her if she’s been there longer than 30 days.
NTA. There’s a saying from my college years that would seem to apply here: “Cheat me once, shame on you. Cheat me twice, shame on me.”
You need to speak to a lawyer. NTA, but she might have legal rights as a tenant at this point.
NTA.
Let her know that how long she has to find another solution and then get her out of there because she isn’t holding up her end of your deal.
Don’t make this about the ex because her personal life isn’t yours to control.
NTA
https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/11/28/codependency-trauma-the-scapegoat-unmasked/
Do you have a link for everything lol I’ve seen you comment a few times and it’s always with a link
I’m neurodivergent and bored and trying to be helpful currently produces dopamine so I created a post of links I gave a lot, and they’re saved in my clipboard 😅 🤷♂️
https://www.reddit.com/u/Deflated_Hypnotist/s/BOp4Y9uQVh