she asked me to pair up for a group project last week and i said i need to think about it because idk how well i can work with her. on one side i feel like we have a completely different workflow, and then there’s also the fact that she’s a walking red flag (makes homophobic, racist, ableist and antisemitic jokes all the time) so i’m not too keen on partnering up with her if you know what i mean. so what i did was i partnered up with this other girl from my class without telling the red flag girl about it. now the other 2 people in our friend group also partnered up so she was kind of left behind. they agreed to form a trio with her so it’s all good, but now i feel like a horrible person because i feel like i stabbed her in the back, and to think that i made someone else feel left out hurts my souls cus i know how terrible that feels. but then at the same time ik that i have more than enough reasons not to like her.
i’m very conflicted cus like i said we’re in the same friend group so it would be weird to not be on somewhat good terms with her yknow? i just really don’t know how to feel or how to act about her or our "friendship".
any advice welcome 😭🙏
“makes homophobic, racist, ableist and antisemitic jokes all the time”
people like this deserve to be left out
NTA
I think it would be okay to tell her, “Hey, I’ve paired up with ___ because the things you say make me uncomfortable and they’re offensive.”
Don’t feel bad for leaving out someone who makes racist, homophobic, etc… jokes. Including people like that and ignoring their horrible behavior just encourages them to continue doing it instead of teaching them that it’s bad behavior.
NTA
Because they’re really not jokes, they are dandified bullying.
NTA. Don’t be afraid to say no even when it’s awkward.
NTA. This is not about workflow and classes, this is about the fact she thinks that she is better than others and how she thinks of them, because eventually, those attitudes take over and she may well develop one towards you. You were thinking on an instinctual level, and modern humans don’t have to do that very much as a child. You’re quite right to avoid her.