I I was having a conversation with our mom about how I was just told that since I failed a class last semester, my financial aid was taken, so I have to skip this upcoming semester.
Unprovoked, my sister jumped in, saying I needed to just give up on school because I’ve only successfully completed one semester in almost 2 years, just turned 27, and need to grow up and find a job because clearly college wasn’t for me since the one semester I completed, I was constantly complaining about being tired and burned out. I pointed out that I was burned out because not only was I taking 21 credit hours but also balancing 2 full-time jobs.
She insisted that I had “no idea” what tired is and that I don’t have to work all day and then come home to kids, and all I do is game and “feed off the government“.I am legally blind and receive SSDI for my vision or lack thereof.
I snapped and told her she HAS kids but doesn’t even parent, that the second my eldest niece could use the stove, she completely checked out, and that my niece has been essentially raising her sister since she was born. She immediately left and now won’t talk to me. My mom says I went too far and had no reason to bring up her parenting, and now I feel like she may be right.
Edit: I’d like to clarify that I started school in the fall of 2023, finished that semester, skipped spring 2024 because of how badly I burned myself out and the mental toll of losing my job that January, then went back in the fall of 2024, dropped out halfway through due to some mental health stuff, and skipped 2025 as a whole as I was putting all my effort into finding work, as living off SSDI is unsustainable. I planned to go back next week but was given that news. I got withdrawal marks for the semester I dropped but was told I didn’t “fail” anything that semester. The only class I’ve failed was 1 English class that first semester, and it was solely because I was falsely accused of using AI on my final portfolio, which was an automatic fail. I’ve only attempted 2 semesters total.
I meeeaaan…since we’re criticizing other peoples life choices…don’t throw stones in glass houses lol NTA
She is jealous you are in school and she is miserable. You just pointed out her flaws and that is why she is mad.
NTA – parents don’t have dibs on being tired, especially parents who use their own kids as childcare.
NTA. Her parenting skills were free game as soon as she mentioned being a parent in her effort to hardship one up you. Not your fault she can dish it but not take it
ESH
Honestly, you both sound pretty…crappy to each other.
NTA. I used to have E S H, but I’m changing it because OP’s reply. Your sister is much more of an asshole. She started it. She was nasty. But rather than defending your position, or setting a boundary, you went on the attack. You sunk to her level. She is also an extra AH for parentifying your niece. Now, if you had initiated a discussion about that in a constructive way out of concern for your niece, then I wouldn’t think you were at all an AH. You watched your sister do this for how long? Then you only opened your mouth to use it as ammo in a spat. So you may be right about your sister, but you’re not getting points for sticking up for your niece here. You only brought it up to hurt your sister back. You were content to let it go on until then.
I know you didn’t ask for advice about school, but 21 credit hours is a lot even if you don’t have two full time jobs. That is an insupportable work load. I get the jobs might be non-negotiable given how expensive it is to live right now. I can also see how it’s tempting to take on as many units as you can to get through, but you’re not getting through. That’s not because you’re inherently incapable of succeeding in your classes. You’ve just taken on way more than is reasonable for anyone to handle. It’s costing you time rather than saving it.
Edit: Changed my verdict. I still maintain that it is not the best way to conduct a dispute, bringing up other issues as ammo, but I do think her sister opened the door for that a bit with her comments that OP can’t be tired because she isn’t a parent. The big thing for me, though, is that OP has brought this up in the past and did stick up for her niece. I’m also sideyeing OP’s mom, though, for letting her sis parentify her at 16.
This is not the first time I’ve said something about her parentifying my niece; I’ve just never called her out In a straightforward manner (if that makes sense), before which I absolutely should’ve.
I’ve questioned her about how much my niece is doing and asked why she has put all that responsibility on her several times throughout the years but have never directly attacked her parenting.
I actually called her out the second I noticed her doing it because she did the exact same thing to me when she had my first niece. I went from being outside with friends every second I wasn’t at school to babysitting 16+ hours a day at 12 and didn’t want my niece to go through that.
NTA. If sis can dish it out m, she can also take it. Your mom needs to butt out. Please take your time getting your education. It’s not a sprint. Education needs to be a priority, yes, but you also need to provide for yourself. It’s okay to take your time, you will succeed!!
ESH you’re both being petty and throwing low blows. If you actually cared about your niece you’d have said something ages ago instead you’re only using the situation to benefit yourself and throw in your sisters face
NTA, you matched her energy. As someone who has two degrees and regrets the expense, I would say if there’s an alternate pathway to what you want to do than uni…take it.
21 hours is way too much. 14, 15 hours is plenty, especially with 2 jobs. Y’all both seem stubborn.
Let me get this straight – you have 2 full time jobs, are legally blind and get assistance, play games, and go to school 21 hours a semester which is basically 6 to 7 classes? I don’t think any normal person could do this. Working alone would be 80 hours, then 7 classes?
NTA. People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.
I disagree with the E-S-H verdicts on here, because you didn’t start it. NTA, but just barely. Your whole family should be calling out your sister (and, presumably, BIL) for parentifying their older daughter.
Now, stop with the ridiculous class loads already. We already know you’re a rockstar.
Is 21 credit hours in a semester not like 7 courses? How do you have time to work 70-ish hours a week AND have a hobby like gaming?