My friend Andy and I have been best friends for many years now. We both got engaged last year, him with Beth and I with Cindy. We will be best man for each others wedding. Beth and Cindy has been friends since they are our partners. They are a bit different but they still hang out. My fiancé Cindy is also in Beth’s bridal party.
While planning for Beth’s Hens party, Cindy feels like she is doing everything. She has so far paid for 95% of the cost and the maid of honor and the other two seems to have done the bare minimum. Beth will also not invite Cindy out for group outings and would invite Cindy’s friends. The night before the hens Cindy was preparing food for the party and Beth invited the other three out for drinks. Cindy was pretty upset and so I decided to talk with Andy about this. Andy told me he would sort this out after the hens as per my request so that they don’t make things awkward.
I found out after that all the girls at the hens were snubbing Cindy. I called Andy out and he revealed that he told Beth before the hens and that Beth promised to not say anything until after. I have my doubts but no proof, we end up having a very heated disagreement, him saying that the other bridesmaids did help and me listing exactly what they did and how I, a non-involved individual helped more than they did. I also brought up the fact that despite all of this Cindy only told one of her closest friends. Cindy also felt that over the years Beth only invites her out when she needs something, such as ride, planning, organising and I also brought up that there are also others in our group who have problems with Beth or had problems with Beth. Andy pivoted the issue saying our group is toxic and if they have problems they should voice it.
The argument went back and forth and Andy started blaming Cindy saying Cindy doesn’t consider Beth as a friend that’s why she had an issue with doing more work, while I argued that Beth hadn’t shown herself to be a good friend all these years. The discussion ended with none of us agreeing with each other.
Now we are going to a rave in a few weeks and honestly I hate Beth now, the way she treated my fiancé; and how Andy defended her even after acknowledging his fiancés actions. There is no way I can put Cindy through going with them; but our friend group will most likely go with us instead of them.
WIBTA if I ditch them knowing that they will be alone?
Too much drama for me
Beth did it to Cindy. An eye for an eye.
I mean, they won’t be alone at the rave. They’re two people. NTA.
But…Cindy needs to stand up for herself, and you and Andy are *way* too involved here. Beth and Cindy are adults with an adult relationship, and if Cindy has been feeling slighted by Beth for *years* but still chose to take on this much work for Beth’s bachelorette party, then it’s well past time for Cindy to grow a spine. Beth only wants some of her friends to come out for drinks with her? Great, those girls can prepare food and pay for stuff. Nobody is forcing Cindy, she is a grown woman, she needed to say no.
It’s great that you want to advocate for your fiance, and you’re not an AH for not wanting to associate with Beth and Andy after this…but if Cindy doesn’t stand up for herself, there’s really nothing you or Andy are gonna be able to do here. It was weird to try and take an issue between Beth and Cindy and work it out between yourself and Andy.
They won’t be alone they will be together, plus hundreds of other people there
Why is Cindy doing all of this? She’s allowing herself to be used and abused.
Why is Cindy fighting her battles with Beth through you and why are you fighting your fiancée’s battles with Cindy through Andy?
Why is Cindy doing the MOH job in planning everything? The seem to only be friends since they kinda have to be since you and Andy are friends.
Honestly, none of you sound mature enough for marriage?
ESH, no exceptions.
Why do Cindy and Beth need to be friends because you and Andy are?
If you had kids in the future, and your kids hated Andy’s kids and vice versa, and all the kids knocked seven bells out of each other whenever they were together, would you keep forcing them to pretend to get along because… it suited you and Andy?
(If your answer to this is ‘of course we would try’, you and Cindy are going to have some real problems in the future. Cindy might feel she has to take this shit from Beth, but there is no way in hell she will make her kids take it too. Your friendship with Andy is not the single most important relationship in this matrix.)
You and Andy need to spend your friend-time together, alone, without dragging Cindy and Beth into your social occasions. The girls don’t like each other. Stop trying to make it happen.
NTA. Ditch them
But why does Beth even want Cindy in her bridal party? And why is Cindy doing it?
Unless this wedding is coming up real quick, I would tell Cindy that she has your full support to bow out of being a bridesmaid. At the very least, she should stop planning and paying for things for the bridal party.
I also agree that the ladies need to be the two people discussing this, not you and your friend