I’ve (27M) recently moved in with one of my friends (28M). He has been dating this girl for a few months and she used to be over practically all the time (like staying 7 days a week), and staying when he wasn’t in the house. I was uncomfortable with both of these things but especially with her being there when he’s not. I just think it’s inconsiderate that I don’t get any privacy at all as she’s always there. I also don’t even know this girl really and I don’t have a lock on my room door so she could be doing anything. I told him I didn’t want her here when he’s not and he understood.
He’s recently asked me if she could come over when he’s at work to rest as she works nearby. I said no as I’m uncomfortable with it and he was so standoffish and clearly in a bad mood. I really don’t see how he can’t see it from my perspective? I have a girlfriend who I see twice a week max who would never dare to stay when I’m not there because she’s really considerate of other people. I also wouldn’t stay at her apartment when she’s not there either. I think it’s crazy how people can be so inconsiderate.
His gf came up to me and said I was being horrible to her and couldn’t believe I could be so selfish. I think it’s absolutely wild that I’m considered the bad guy but I need to get other people’s opinions on it. She pays absolutely nothing and showers and even does her laundry here (!!!) and yet I’m being selfish. AITA?
NTA. Unless she’s paying rent, it’s not her place and she has no right to be there. And if she’s staying there 7 days a week, it sounds like she should be paying rent
Sounds like she’s couch-surfing… which, with today’s economy, I can’t say I blame her for, but if she’s there all the time, she should be paying rent, especially if she’s using resources or staying over 7 days a week overnight.
lol yes, she’s there when he’s at work 9-5 and just sits in his room. I get loser vibes, like she doesn’t have anything better to do
I’d put a stop to it. Tell your roomie she doesn’t live there, and if she continues to be there when he’s not/7 days a week, then you’re going to reduce your rent/bill contributions to 1/3.
She doesn’t get roommate privileges without paying.
NTA. Definitely don’t renew the lease with him.
NTA. It’s not her place, it’s yours and your roommates
NTA. It’s exhausting having someone’s SO over 24/7, especially one that you don’t know very well. Some people like to walk around in their boxers or not wear a shirt which you can’t really do anymore. You’re forced to make small talk. A lot of people have the “big tv” in the shared space so there’s always that “are they gonna want to use the TV?” worry.
Basically you can never fully relax and unwind in your own home. Not to mention your gf now having to deal with the emotional mess of having her BF alone with another woman all the time. That can strain even the most healthy of relationships.
NTA. If she’s there more than 50% of a week on the regular, she’s practically another roommate. When you agreed to the lease it was under the expectation that there would only be 2 people (you and your roommate) living there. If you were to accept her staying that often, she absolutely should be helping with the rent. If you’re not comfortable with a third person in the unit under those conditions, or if they won’t agree to her contributing in some way, you have your original agreement as your backing. You may also want to check your rental agreement, as sometimes there are clauses for how long guests are allowed to stay. Either way, sounds like it you should look for a different living situation when your lease is up.
If she’s not paying rent, she shouldn’t be acting like a roommate. After a few months, I could imagine her sleeping in if the roommate has to leave early for a job or something, but having a key or just randomly popping over from her job seem over the top.
The laundry really seems over the top, especially if it ever interferes with OP doing the laundry.
NTA.
NTA
My sister also does this with his boyfriend and it’s beyond frustrating
She doesn’t live there and isn’t on the lease. Go further and say limit of 1-2 nights per week, limit one shower per week, and not allowed over if roommate isn’t home. Or, will take to landlord. You pay rent to live there. They can get over it.
Next time ask him when she is going to pay rent since she is there all the time.
So basically she’s a mooch. If she’s not paying rent she is a guest and guests shouldn’t be there when the person they are visiting isn’t there. I’d tell your roomie that if she keeps pushing it you’ll be insisting she start paying rent and utilities.
NTA.
You could check the status / rules of your lease about visitors; the GF being there so much it may contravene what’s allowed. That way the lease parameters are the bad guy and not you.
Whatever you do, look at leaving that flat and don’t live with your mate again. He’s unreasonable to expect you to be happy with his GF continually intruding in your space