My cousin melissa parents are late and i have been the one looking out for the both of us for over 4 years now. she will turn 20 soon and wanted to throw herself a party but she is broke and her job doesn’t pay well enough to afford the party she wanted so she wanted me to pay for it but i can’t. Listen, i make enough for both of us to eat and to put a roof on our head. I know she has the right to feel intitled to my money but this birthday is coming at a wrong time, because we have pending bills and the money i have on me is for something. i am supposed to use it and travel for a course in Australia. I explained to melissa that i don’t have the luxury to throw her a party and we would plan better for it next year because she did not tell me on time. we normally don’t throw parties or celebrate our birthdays. Melissa said i was being stingy that i have the money but i don’t want to help her. That i want to deprive her of happiness. i told her it was not like that and yes i have money but it’s for something. She said i was been unreasonable and just wicked. i angrily told her she was very stupid and i won’ give her a penny, if she wants a party she should go and make her own money. Those words were not appropriated even me myself i know i should not have spoken to her in that manner. She has been crying ever since we had that argument and now i am feeling guilty. so guys, am i the asshole?
NTA
You did the right thing in standing up for yourself. Your cousin is an adult. She needs to earn her own money and pay for her own parties.
Start cutting back on your financial support of your cousin. It was generous of you to support her when she was a minor, but she’s now an adult and needs to learn to take care of herself.
NTA Melissa is old enough to understand the difference between a want and a need. You are covering both of your needs and that is amazing of you. Her want of a birthday party is selfish
What in the upside-down bizarro world is going on here?
First, your cousin Melissa’s parents are late…late for what?
You all are broke but you’re going to Australia for a course….I mean, it’s not scammy right? It’s an actual thing to help your career and/or to make more money? For a broke person, doens’t matter where you’re from, Australia is hella expensive
Finally, one might ‘want’ something but doesn’t ‘need’ it and if they don’t ‘need’ it, they’re not entitled to it.
NTA of course
Late means dead….
Yes but not when phrased like this. “Late parents” is understandable. “Parents are late” is not common phrasing.
It’s important to recognize context. OP is clearly not a native English speaker, and it’s clear from the context that she’s taking care of her cousin because her parents are deceased.
It wasn’t clear until you explained it. I was confused by this as well.
If she wants a party, she should go and make her own money – that is actually perfectly appropriate to say. That is the literal truth.
If her job doesn’t pay enough for extras like parties, she can get a side gig. That’s the only answer – if you don’t have enough money for the things you want/need, the only answer is to make more money – not insist that other hard-working people who are barely getting by just give you their money.
You need your money for something important. You’re not spending it on something frivolous.
Everyone deserves to have a birthday celebration of some sort, everyone should have their birthday acknowledged by their loved ones. But an expensive “party” is not owed to anyone, and your reasons for not doing it are good ones.
Bake her a cake from some store-bought mix. If she wants to get together with friends, maybe host a pot-luck and everyone brings something and watch a movie on Netflix. You can still celebrate without spending a ton of money.
NTA Apparently you’re raising her, and one of the most important lessons to learn is the difference between want and need. If she wants something, she can work for it. I was holding down two jobs while attending university full time at her age. We didn’t have cell phones or streaming services or new clothes or whatever teenage girls are so into these days.
We host barbecues and potlucks where I’m from, so each person brings a dish or drinks, so the host is only out meat for cooking. Does she have friends who can help out like that? If not, who is she throwing a party for and your money at?
>I know she has the right to feel intitled to my money
No she doen’t? That’s weird.
NTA: Adults pay for their own parties.
Especially 20 year old adults.
What do you mean, you know you shouldn’t have said those words…? You absolutely should have!!
NTA
She is an adult at 20. She needs to live within her means. IF she wants a party, she can figure out how to pay for it. It is a part of growing up, which sounds like she has a long way to go! She is not entitled to anything.