My brother (31) has recently came to stay with us and has been with us for about 9 months or so. He used to live a couple hours away and used to sometimes visit us. He decided to move back in with us and since then he has complained about food in the house.
My mom isnt the best cook but shes the only one that cooks in the house. My brother and her once had a huge argument in which he was complaining about how there is no food in the house and bringing up the fact that I (M,19) had eaten some of the food that was made for the family. He did tell me this the night before in which i told him i wasnt aware that the food was made for him as it was in the normal pots and pans and even offered to make him some food as he did not eat the entire day and had travelled. The argument got heated and after he was bragging to both me and my brother (16) at how he was during the argument which made us both uncomfortable.
Today there was some food and i decided to have some not a lot but a normal amount, not thinking it would be a big deal as there was a lot left. He came down to get some food and saw how little the amount of food was left, and he made the comment of not having food the entire day. However, he was home the entire day and could have chosen to eat something in the meantime. There was more than enough food for him to eat and he even leaves some food left which i dont understand. also there was some amount of food left in the bowl which he didnt pour on his plate which i thought was weird as if he was truly hungry he wouldve scooped the rest onto the plate. He then said to next time ask him if its okay to eat in the house and made a comment as to prior when i ate the food left in the house, and saying how i probably did it on purpose so that he couldnt eat.
This has just been gnawing my head as I cant seem to understand if I’m at fault or not as my mom did not say that the food was just for him when I asked and even said it was fine for me to eat. I tried to explain it as best as I could so hopefully i can get some advice.
Just wanted to clarify i am a picky eater and rarely eat at home – most of the time i cook myself some chips/fries or have some jacket potatoes, or go out to the chip shop and get food from there. i can barely cook but can make myself some meals if need be but this was a case of where i just wanted food and didnt want to make any as there was food already in the house and mom said it was for everyone
ESH
You are both adult men living with your mother. Learn how to cook.
Both of you should be able to cook for yourselves. ESh
NTA…. Your brother is a 31 year old adult who was home all day, it is not your responsibility to manage his appetite or ask his permission to eat food your mother said was for everyone. His demands are an unreasonable attempt to control the household, especially since you even offered to cook for him.
thank you
ESH. From the way you tell the story it sounds like you were polishing your halo and he came and yelled for no reason. Youre both adults. Learn to cook. Surely you two can make a cup of noodles or mac and cheese? Cereal? Something. Not every meal needs to be gourmet.
NTA… leftovers set aside for pacific person should be putting in a container or on a plate and wrapped with a note on it or something otherwise, if it’s sitting there with in the casserole dish or the pots and pans, it’s it’s a free-for-all
thank you me and my brother were saying that as well the last time this happened.
NTA. Eat what you want, he’s a big boy and can make his own food. He just thinks he can control the household and he’s trying to push some authority onto you. If you let him, he’ll never stop. Sounds controlling and abusive
thank you.
Everybody’s TA. You’re 19, your brother is 31. You should both be cooking for yourselves and for your mom. And doing the clean up and loading the dishwasher and emptying the dishwasher and mopping the floor and wiping down the counters. And everything else that is needed.
And if food is cooked for the ‘family’, your brother doesn’t have dominion over it. He doesn’t own every bite in the house. What a tosser.
NTA, if a 31 year old can’t cook or provide food for himself that’s not on you, that’s on him.
31 and 19 still making their mom cook & fighting over it… ESH.
I caught a terrible case of norovirus when child 3 was almost 4. Siblings in school and I hated to ask a neighbor for help ( didn’t want to spread the virus) my almost 4 ( on spectrum child) was able to fix themselves a sandwich, with a banana and a drink for lunch. Brought me Gatorade and fixed herself a snack. She also put dog outside in fenced yard twice to go potty. If my preschooler can manage all this then your adult sibling should be able to fix himself something to eat even if it’s a sandwich and fruit.
thank you. Hope you’re all better now and all goes well!!