I used to work in the food and beverage industry and today I got a text from a very old coworker that I barely interacted with years ago.
I was very surprised to hear from her especially that the one interaction we had in the past was negative, but she said hi and I replied enthusiastically and asked her how she is.
She then said that she wasn’t doing great and that she was wondering if it’s okay if she can "bother me a little bit with a weird request".
Immediately alarm bells started to go off in my head. I don’t exactly know why but I have a pattern of attracting people who like to take advantage of others.
In the past I have given money and help over and over to strangers. This has brought me alot of heartache in my life and I’ve been working hard to overcoming this behaviour, so when I saw that message I quickly assumed what’s about to happen. This is the part where I think I might have been an Ahole.
I didn’t ask her what was wrong or what she’s going through, I just said: I’m sorry to hear that, I wish you well but no sorry.
I later text another coworker from the same old work place that I’m still on great terms with and asked her about the text. She then told me that the person who text me was texting plenty of people asking them for money.
I honestly felt proud of myself for recognising that pattern early and I showed my husband the interaction because I felt like I was learning to say no.
He then flipped out, he told me that I acted like an asshole because I should have at least heard what the woman had to say instead of assuming and that I was extremely rude. When I explained to him why I am proud he told me that I sounded extremely arrogant and needed to reevaluate my actions and take a deep look at the person I’m becoming.
I’m very confused now. Should I have heard her out and was I rude? 😕 AITAH?
NTA
Your response was fine. You knew there was no reason for this person to contact you. You had no friendship with her and didn’t need to continue with the conversation.
What an odd thing for your husband to “flip out” over
Edit: nta
NTA
You were right
Your husband is overreacting, maybe he hasn’t interacted with enough leeches
NTA- you trusted your gut and held your boundary. Good for you. You weren’t rude. You wished her the best, but it was weird for her to ask that of you given the fact that you don’t have a friendship. And your gut was right.
You may have felt tempted if she told you some sob story, but instead you protected yourself. Even if your husband can’t understand that and be proud of you, keep being proud of yourself
I’m guessing this isn’t the only time your husband has been a condescending bully.
Your husband is wrong in this situation and don’t let him convince you otherwise. You’re becoming someone who understands where she went wrong in the past and are learning to stand up for yourself when people try to take advantage of your kindness. He should be proud of you for not getting conned by a person you barely knew by listening to her sob story. It wouldn’t have made any difference if you had listened if your new self respect has taught you that you aren’t responsible for everyone else’s problems. I’m disappointed in your husband for not supporting you. It doesn’t make you a bad person to say no. NTA.
NTA… Text scams are real. And even if it wasn’t a text scam, why would you lend money to someone you aren’t on good terms with! Husband sounds like TA for not recognising you stopped yourself from being scammed. Tell him to do better!
NTA. Someone you haven’t heard from in a long time reaches out with a “weird request” is bound to be an imposition from someone you aren’t friends with and you are 100% not obligated to “hear them out” or anything else. You are right to be proud of yourself for recognizing the pattern and stopping her before she got rolling.
NTA, people who we forgot to delete from our phone after years don’t reach out for the heck of it. She wanted something. Think of how many people she actually knows who said no. Your DH, he gets the AH on this. Why does he even care?
If you knew your answer would be no regardless of what she was asking, then why not be honest and tell her no?
Why give her false hope
NTA
Why does he think hearing the reason she needed money would change your mind? You seem pretty settled on the idea that you were unwilling to help her. And that’s okay
I don’t know WHAT is up with your husband. You did just right. Well done.
NTAh, I’d tell your H that when you hear from someone you had minimal contact with years ago, it’s going to be a request for money or something else inappropriate. It’s different if you hear from someone you have a relationship with. It’s also unkind to get the whole story then say no. Im guessing here, but he may have been critical because he dislikes you being pleased you said no because it feels mean to him. If he’s often critical, I’d look into marriage counseling.
NTA. Your reaction was logical, correctly intuitive, and cordial. You have nothing to feel bad about, except an insufficiently supportive and unnecessarily demeaning husband, IMHO.
NTA. Don’t let your husband need charitable with your money either, he sounds like a generous sucker.