i’m a 2nd year community college student transferring out to a 4-year university in a couple months where i’ll be living in a dorm. i’ve been living with my parents for 20 years. our culture is pretty traditional and it’s normal to live with parents for a long time and include them in your decision making regardless of being a full fledged adult. this is especially true for women, and i happen to be one.
i have a lot of money saved up from the multiple jobs i’ve worked and i’ve been thinking about studying abroad in the summer. i’ve only been out of the country twice, and both times were for a vacation with my family when i was younger. i feel like i have no sense of independence and i think that studying abroad would help me find myself.
thus, an opportunity for studying abroad in italy popped up and i immediately took it as a sign to just do it. but before i did anything, i talked to both of my parents about it.
i was expecting some backlash, but the way they reacted you’d think i told them i was going to columbia to sell the white stuff. the things they were saying were completely ridiculous and i got so pissed off that i literally walked away, got in my car, and drove to my friends house. i filled out the application there and got invited to an interview.
fast forward i was accepted into the program and ive already deposited the funds; my trip is basically confirmed atp. my parents however had no idea. my mom however finds out about 3 weeks later bc i was on the phone with my friend talking about the program and she was eavesdropping. she made me hang up and immediately started bombarding me with questions. when i finally told her the truth she started crying and telling me how selfish i am to leave the family for the “last summer we have together” as if im never gonna see them again after i go to college. she’s told literally every close family member and she’s treating me as if i’ve decided to move to the north pole and go no contact. i am so sick of this nonsense and both her and my dad are starting to make me feel like maybe going on this trip was one big mistake. i don’t know what to do
Go. Your parents will live through this. Do not let them guilt trip you into staying. It is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Listen to me go seriously go it is rare that get an opportunity to do this again if you don’t go you will regret it this is a huge opportunity for you go
NTA. If she is able, tell her to come visit you. She’ll love Florence.
I wanna give your parents the benefit of the doubt and say maybe empty nest syndrome is hitting them harder than they thought? But regardless, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t go to Italy! Go, make amazing memories, learn new things, get out of your shell! Everyone I know that studied abroad loved it and recommended it 10000%. Your parents will get over it. You’re making the right decision.
NTA for making a decision about your life! And it’s a good one: travelling abroad, especially living abroad for a while, is a great way to open yourself to new experiences and challenge what’s normal for you, and discover the person you have the potential to be. Don’t let yourself be dissuaded – stay calm with your parents and keep your messages back to them simple and clear.
Have a great time in Italy!
This is the chance of a lifetime. Take that opportunity and flourish
NTA. GO!! I studied abroad in the UK when I was in college. Definitely a life changing experience.
NTA.
Are you the oldest or only child?? I don’t think your parents realize this but going away to college is not the ticket out of the house anymore. Even after forming and graduation, depending on your field, life is so expensive you may very well be back at home while you do a start up job with your degree and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m just really sick of the parents from a different economic climate talking like it’s going to the the same experience “move to college, degree, apartment, job”… it’s not that simple anymore.
You control your future.
Your parents probably were in the generation that ignored their own parents in their 20s, got married and only visited on holidays.
You control your narrative with them and how much time you spend with them throughout your life.
If it’s not this, it’ll be something else. Go – you will 100% regret it if you don’t.
Im sure you’ve read the comments but you’re not an asshole if you go, you were given the opportunity and you should totally go for it!! It may be out of the country but they should be happy you got this opportunity, not everyone gets that.
You can still call and text and all that with your family and friends, and you’ll get a lot of new experience and enrichment if that makes sense to you😅
NTA.
You are learning to be an independent person. Just go with it and all the crocodiles will stop having the tears.
NTA. Regardless of the cultural expectation that your parents should be included in every decision you make even after you reach majority, you are a legal adult and can make this decision on your own. Your mom’s emotional blackmail is just that; she’s losing control and is trying to scare you back “into the fold” by stirring up family drama against you. Please go to Italy, despite your mother’s objections; you can work on healing your relationship with her after you get back. If you let her force you into giving up this opportunity, your resentment would likely poison your relationship with her for the rest of your life.