My mom (38F) has been constantly nagging me (16F) to go to Australia for the past few months, I wouldn’t have a problem but she wants to go as soon as I turn 18, but.. what’s the problem? It could look like a huge opportunity for me to study elsewhere and I accept that, really! But me and my mom have a bad backstory, she had some crazy anger issues (and still has but a bit more controlled)and some mental problems going on, it went to some point she had to go to a psychiatric hospital for more than half a year, When she left the hospital she was prescribed some medicines that she stopped taking instantly since she “didn’t need them” and “she was fine” and she would like lash out constantly at me, at my grandparents or my dad (sometimes if he was in the apartment with us)and in the worst cases start throwing things and breaking them (still does to this day just less often). She would use me to get things she wanted because “my grandparents would say yes if I asked) she got for example some AirPods, A new air cleaning machine and a lot more of stuff. At some point her screaming and stuff got so bad that when I was 12 she got a Denunciation and an order that she couldn’t get close to me, even so she used my grandmother to communicate and took pictures of me behind my back while they continued to harass my dad on networks(like twitter, instagram, etc) so they could accuse him of something against me so she could see me again. After a few months I had to start seeing her again so I wouldn’t lose contact. 3 years skip my dad died of cancer so I HAD to move in with my mom. The first weeks was fine but every time she would try to scream or something and I responded it got worse and she would make sarcastic jokes about things I said FOR WEEKS, now since November last year she started insisting to go to Australia with me, but I always said no no matter what because I was tired of everything, a lot of times she cried saying that I didn’t that “I don’t care about her”, that “everything is what I always want and I’m super ungrateful of everything” at some point I basically got tired of it and started ignoring her, but this may sound childish but I want to live, I feel im in a cage with her, I can hardly do anything with my friends, it’s so hard to go to sleepovers since she says it’s “dangerous for me” even if nothing happens AND I went to the same friends house for like 4 times already. I can’t go out with them since anything could happen to me and that I’m not careful and since I’m young I don’t know anything. Now to the point again, if I tell her I want to go to Australia with her it would be submitting to her decisions again and doing what she wants without considering how I feel or what I think at all, I would feel trapped if I go with her to the other side of the world, I’m scared of what is going to happen to me if I get unlucky in Australia and she decides to be mad at me and scream again without someone I could ask for help? And that’s about it AITA??
NTA. You aren’t being ungrateful, you are protecting your safety and independence from someone who has a history of volatility and isolation tactics. Moving to the other side of the world with her would leave you without a support system, so trust your gut and prioritize your freedom.
NTA!!! Your mom is abusive and she should go back to the hospital. Everything you said makes it sound like a toxic relationship from hell. Could you possibly live with your grandma? It seems like things could get out of hand quickly the longer you stay. Im sorry to hear about for father passing
I literally can’t haha, she’s sided with my mom because them have a bad backstory too (😭) and I have the theory my granny sides with my mom to make up for her mistakes of the past, so she always takes her side every single time and she tried to manipulate me in the past to think that my mom was a great person and my dad was a terrible demon or some shit LMAO. I sure gotta figure it out when I turn 18
NTA
Visiting Australia is easier.
Migrating to Australia is very hard if you’re from any country other than New Zealand or super rich (for the rich persons visa).
To keep the peace you can indulge her illusion because the reality she not going to sort out the paper work for her and you. You’ll be 18 which makes you an adult not a dependent and therefore will also need to meet the visa requirements.
Can confirm, Australians dont want people. I have an immigration lawyer and he basically said there was not a chance
Well NTA but have you got other adults that you can talk too? Like school councillor or your grandparents. I think this is above reddits pay grade but I guess advice or legal sub? To be honest I’m not sure what country you’re in but it may not be even possible to get into Australia, they definitely have a health restriction for permanent residency. Plus they have high costs for education for non citizens.
Missed word edited for grammar.
I mean I have my psychologist and some family members but in this state I am now in genuinely cooked and can’t do anything about it :’\ (+ that’s what I told her too about immigrants in there and she got angrier LOL)
It’s a case of smile and nod maybe to diffuse situation while you try and get resources in place? You can’t use logic with someone who has not used facts and reason to get to a position. Activate any support you have and look up online and local advice services to see your legal rights especially if your country a legal adult is 18. I am worried even if you defuse this she will get something else to focus on and scream about. You can only control your own actions not hers.
Standard reddit advice get copies your paperwork safe so it can’t be held hostage when you turn 18. I don’t know legally how you can do this, where I am you can get certified copies from community advice places, I got some done in a library that has JP times. That would mean one less thing to trigger her if originals are in her control but you still have them for the future.
Paragraphs please.
Your Mom needs to start taking her medication again.
I’d like to comment but omfg I need paragraphs.
Paragraphs are your friend!!!
NTA for not wanting to do this, but let your mom figure out how hard the immigration process is for herself.