I (18M) just went through my brother’s phone (15M) and found some concerning things. I saw videos of him vaping and drinking throughout his camera roll. I told my dad about the videos and explained that I was also worried about his behavior and school attendance. For some background, my dad firmly believes that if there’s no video proof of something happening, then it never occurred. So when he saw the videos, I knew it broke him.
I’ve tried to help my brother, but with no success, and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to fall in with the wrong crowd or end up in the hospital because of his poor choices. To be honest, I’m also a bit scared for my safety, because he sometimes threatens me by saying he would get a group of his friends to fight me, if I were to piss him off enough. Now that I’ve told my dad about it, I’m not sure how my brother will react to the confrontation. Any advice I receive would be greatly appreciated.
INFO:
Why did you go through his phone in the first place?
What do you mean you’ve tried to help your brother “with no success”?
Thank you 🙏🏻
INFO: Why isn’t your dad doing your brother’s phone checks if he is concerned?
NTA. Snooping isn’t ideal but this crossed into safety territory real fast. A 15 year old drinking, vaping, skipping school, and threatening you isn’t just teenage nonsense. You did what you could to protect him and yourself. Dad stepping in is needed here, even if it gets messy.
He’s 15. He’s making stupid decisions. Not your job to fix it or make your father aware, also sounds like you’re putting yourself at risk.
Vaping and drinking? Who gives a toss. But as for the other stuff? Let him throw his prospects down the drain if he wants to, you both have the same tools
you do realize that vaping and drinking can lead to a whole lot of problems, right? especially at that age
agreed. so many people here are acting as if drinking and vaping is normal. the same people would blame the adults for not being concerned enough when the kid’s life goes to shit.
YTA. Your brother does deserve privacy. It wasn’t your place to go snooping through his stuff. You’re not his parent.
Tbh he goes through my phone and sends my pictures to himself… so I thought it’d be ok
He’s 15, don’t let these teenagers with Reddit accounts tell you YTA, of course they would say something like that. He’s your little bro, you don’t want him to be messing up in life. You gotta find a way to talk to your bro & be ready for him to flip out, but you gotta really see the big picture and start thinking of ways to handle his reaction. Since you brought your dad into this, you both have to handle this, your bro might be pissed off you showed the videos to your dad but who pays for the phone & the bill at the end of the day. He can easily take that away as well as money to go out.
ESH.
Sure, your brother shouldn’t be doing that, but *you* shouldn’t be trying to correct his behaviour. That is the job of your parent/s, not you.
Your father has let you down by not taking things more seriously *and parenting your brother.* Because of that, this *will* impact your sibling relationship going forward.
I fully understand why you did it, but you completely invaded your brother’s privacy and destroyed any chance at him trusting you in the future. And… for what? You said you did it to help your brother, but is there a plan in place? Does he need rehab, to move schools, therapy? Or is this just going to get him in trouble (which will make his behaviour worse, since it doesnt impact the cause).
I don’t think you have a battle plan, let alone one that has been developed over time with input from professionals, and why should you? *You are his brother,* not his parent. That is something your parent/s should be doing.
So you suck too, mate, even if your heart is in the right place.
massive asshole