I (13F) am doing private tutoring to earn some money over the holidays. I taught some child how to read and helped another one prepare for an exam. My mum(38F) is a teacher, and she helped me get those clients by referring parents. I get paid 40 bucks an hour, and I do everything by myself. I plan lessons, teach the kids, and handle everything. My mum does nothing besides owning the house and being somewhere around the house during the session. Once I got paid, my mum told me she was taking $25 out of every 40 I earned.
She didn’t tell me about this beforehand, only AFTER the money was already paid. She said it was because she referred the student and that the money was for bills and household expenses. I was upset at this, considering not only I was the one who did the work, she never told me this, and she was taking over half of what I got.
I told her I didn’t think it was fair of her to take the money I made. I said I was okay with her taking 15 instead. She got very mad(like I could hallucinate steam coming out of her ears), said I was being selfish, disrespectful, and a bad daughter, and told me that she pays for my food, clothes, and shelter. We argued. She kept screeching, I think her blood vessels were gonna pop, and I got scared, stopped arguing and agreed.
She kept the money in her bag and wouldn’t let me see it. When I asked when I’d get my share, she said to put it in a bank account. I don’t have my own bank account yet (I can’t get one til I turn 14 in March), so she made me use an account that she says is a joint account between us.
Now here is where I was bewildered. Discombobulated. Gobsmacked even. Please look at my astute calculations.
* I worked 25 hours total
* I earned 1000 dolalrs
* She gobbles up $25 an hour — $625
* I’m supposed to get $15per hr — $375
She said there was already $100 in the account, so she only gave me $275 in cash, saying it “adds up to $375 anyway.” When I questioned this, her feathers were ruffled and (you guessed it) said I was selfish and ungrateful.
THIS isn’t the only money issue. My dad (47M) also asks me for money a lot. I’ve saved money from selling handmade things, red pockets from relatives, birthday money, and occasional pocket money he gives me. He gambles and often runs out of money for petrol or bills, then asks me for mine. This would be tolerable, IF he paid me back. Which he doesn’t, so I argue back. But it does nothing, and I have no options as I can’t bash up a man twice my height. And hes also my dad
I understand we’re not rich, billionares are evil, and that my parents provide for me. BUT I can’t help but argue back. AITA??
Just stop working. Why work if they are just going to steal your money.
charging a 13 year old a 60% surprise tax for their own hard work is actually wild
Very!! Mom is terrible and so is dad
NTA – if this is real, stop giving them money, stop doing work where your parents have direct access to your payment.
If possible store your money with a trusted person until you can have a bank account only you can access.
NTA – You’re right OP. At 13 there is nothing you can do about your greedy parents. You are their child who they chose to bring into this world. It’s their responsibility to feed and care for you. Taking your money and claiming that you’re not grateful is wild. Maybe you can tutor students at their homes and collect the cash yourself. Hide the money in your house in a secure place. Don’t let your parents know how much you get from relatives. Tell your dad you spent your pocket money when he asks for it. As soon as you can, leave home and go to college. I left home at 17 – I accelerated my classes. You sound very industrious. You’ll do well. Just get through this period of time in your parents’ house.
NTA. Two can play that game, just stop working. I would never ask my child to contribute to the household bills.
NTA making 40/class at 13 years old is amazing and should be celebrated. I’m sorry about your situation, 99% of parents would throw a party and ask you to invite all your friends and your partner (if you have one?) over to the house. Maybe a small comment like “You’re buying pizzas today!” But nothing remotely like this
NTA. Tell her its her job to support you. That shes stealing from you
Honey NTA. I would stop working until you can get an account. If there is a relative you trust I would see if they can help you get a Va k account at a bank your parents don’t use. I wouldn’t ask my kids to contribute to the house at 13 beyond doing some chores. Your parents sound irresponsible with money and parenting. Good luck to to kiddo
NTA, your parents are not reasonable people. You have a very reasonable argument but they’re never going to hear it. They just see dollar signs and want money. At 13, your only options are to accept that they’re going to gobble up most of your money, or figure out a better way to hide it. Arguing with them will not make it better, it will only make things worse for you. You’ve only got a couple more years until you can move out and be on your own. It might make it easier to just pretend that you agree with everything they say until you can get out.
You’re NTA.
Your stance isn’t unreasonable.
But it doesn’t matter if you’re objectively in the right. Your parents have all the power. You can *ask* them to stop being unfair and you can *argue* that they’re being unfair, but you’re unlikely to make any headway because being unfair *is beneficial to them.*
Your parents are not doing this to you because they made a careful cost/benefit analysis and decided this was in your best interest.
They are doing this to you because they are terrible with money and they can take it from you.
My step-mom when I was a teen insisted they keep my holiday gift money, “to hold onto it, to keep it safe, so I wouldn’t lose it”.
They then immediately borrowed it without asking (so they owed me) and then came up with a system where we were charged an outrageous amount for dumb chore things. ($5 charge for every individual item of clothing that was put in the laundry inside out, for unmedicated adhd children).
For Christmas, I was given a little note that said they forgave my “debt” to them. Very generous, considering I didn’t fucking have a job and they had already drained all my holiday money. The scheme literally only lasted until they could justify keeping what they stole from all of us kids.
They also closed a bank account my grandparents had set up for me and taken everything in that too.
They CAN take it, so they’re going to, because they hold the power and make the rules. You cannot argue someone out of a position they didn’t reason themselves into.
I don’t mean this as a hopeless thing: their power will not last forever. Just expect them to be shitty about money forever, and expect them to continue trying to pull this BS into your adulthood.
Don’t fall for it, whatever excuses they make. Even if it sounds like it makes sense.
NTA and your parents are pathetic. You should not be contributing to household expenses, they are supposed to be taking care of you. Your mom is likely coming from a place of fear and a little desperation if your dad is a gambler, but it doesn’t excuse the both of them taking advantage of you. You at least seem to be trying to find something positive since many people would feel like there’s not much incentive to work with someone basically stealing what you earn. Honestly, I kind of hate those terrible people
“Billionaires are evil.”
Where did that come from?
Your mum is the evil.
You should stop giving tuition.
If your mom teaches the kids you’re working with, threaten to tell her school that she is referring her own students to her daughter for paid tutoring. That is a complete conflict of interest as someone could argue she is failing them in order to line up tutoring to make her family money. The fact that she’s taking a cut for herself just makes it worse.